Made For Each Other - Jobe Bellingham

𝟬𝟮𝟲

— CHAPTER 26
❝THINGS HAPPEN YOU KNOW...❞

— ⋆ 𝗝𝗼𝗯𝗲 ⋆ —

THE MINUTE I opened my eyes and remembered what happened last night, i left the room. naive, i know but i needed to calm myself down.

despite the freezing weather, i went for a walk around our backyard to at least calm my nerves.

i was trying so hard not to fall for her because i know that im not perfect enough for her and yet last night happened...

i don't regret it, not at all. it was perfect. she's perfect. i just wish it happened after i finally gained the courage to tell her how i really feel about her.

there's no doubt that now the question of what are we and what this means is lingering through her mind and i know i'm not prepared to answer that.

if she asked me how i felt about her, i could explain that, hell, i could even write a never ending essay on my feelings for her right now.

it would be about how in love i am with her, how nothing feels right when she's not near and how my life is much brighter with her in it.

how i feel about her isn't the issue though. the issue is wether i deserve and to that i can say an easy no. i have too much work to do on myself before i can even think about being with her, because when im with her i want to stay with her. forever.

i walk around aimlessly on the grass for an hour until it's eight am, then i decide to talk to jude about this whole situation. he's the only one that will understand how I feel.

i knock on his door. okay maybe i was banging on it but same thing right?

a tired jude opens the door shortly after, the tiredness still very palpable in his eyes. he yawns, then steps aside, letting me in.

"it's eight in the morning bro" he stumbles back to his the bed and flops face down while i'm still stood up frantically pacing around his room.

"it's important" i state, annoyed at his lack of sympathy for me right now. i run a hand through my curly hair in distress. i wonder how kianas feeling about all this. i really hope she doesn't regret it, she initiated it all anyway.

"bro, sit down" jude chuckles, patting the bed next to him so i do as instructed. "what happened?" he questions, slightly tilting his head at me, just like kiana does when she's concerned or confused, its cute really. only when she does it though.

"we had sex. me and kiana had sex," i reveal, not even believing the words coming out of my mouth. i watch as jude's eyes widen, then he starts grinning like a fool.

"finally!" he pats my back, "finally you two can stop pretending like you're not head over heels for each other and date" his smile widens, which i didn't even think was possible.

"i don't know" i say and his smile falters slightly. he composes himself then sits himself back against the head board and looks at me confused.

"what do you mean?" he asks. i sigh rubbing my forehead. "this isn't good, i didn't want things to happen this way. she's going to think i was using her."

"no she won't bro once you tell her how you feel that you're in love with her it'll all fall into place." jude states proudly.

"i can't tell her how i feel. i can't be with her jude. i'll break her heart. i don't trust myself to be in a relationship with her and not hurt her. i'm not ready for it." i Rub my eyes frustratedly.