in which Kiana Simmons and Jobe bellingham ignore all the obvious signs of them liking each other, but when the realisation finally hits, it doesn't end up too well...
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IM BLINKING AWAY my tears as I finish wrapping up the last of the christmas presents, Trying my best to hold back the tears threatening to escape.
I'm hoping jobe doesn't come back into the room right now, i really Don't want him to see me cry. I feel embarrassed, so stupid and so exposed.
Once I've finished, i carefully place them under the tree then go to the bathroom to wipe off all my makeup. once that's done, i get ready for bed.
I finally slip into bed twenty minutes later. Staring up at the ceiling. jobes still not here. I wonder what he's doing. i try to convince myself maybe he's just gone to sleep in one of the guest rooms since he despises me that much.
And then I start thinking that maybe he's with a girl, since he's clearly so uninterested in me. And that makes my heart hurt.
I hear the door open and I quickly shut my eyes. i turn on my side and pretend to be asleep. i can't face him after today.
I hear his footsteps walking back and forth. this happens for a while before i Hear him go into the bathroom then come back out after no less than five minutes.
I feel the bed dip, then i hear his head turn on the pillow to face me. And then nothing. just Stillness. I open my eyes and he's my first view. his eyes are shut, he's already sleeping and he looks gorgeous.
a gorgeous idiot. i hate him for this whole night, i hate myself for believing we could ever be something more than just friends.
my eyes well up the longer i look at him. my heart was on my sleeve and now it's fallen straight to the floor and been brutally stepped on.
the worst feeling is being in love with someone who doesn't feel the same. it feels like absolute shit.
it's funny how i said those exact words about what jords told me about her situation with jude and now it's happened to me.
i turn away from him, looking back up at the ceiling which i probably have memorised by now. i gulp as the events from tonight run through my head. on repeat.
i feel his shift slightly so i glance over at him for a second, only to see him already looking back up at me. my eyes immediately dart back up to the ceiling and his do the same.
we're both now lying in our backs looking up at the ceiling which isn't remotely interesting.
"Hi." He says quietly... Hesitantly. "Hey." I respond back. My voice breaking a little.
Then there's that same silence from before.
He doesn't say another word and neither do I. Even though I have so much to say. Even though I want to scream at him, Tell him he made me feel like an idiot, That I love him and he's broken my heart.
I turn to face the window and force my eyes closed even though I won't be able to sleep.
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