Invisible string (lestappen)

Chapter 1 : Charles

Summer break is now officially over.

It was a much-needed rest after a pretty tough start to the season for the team, but especially for me. As hard as it was to swallow all the low points I've had to go through, I put it all aside to make the most of my holiday.

And to say I didn't breathe for a second would be an understatement. From going to Italy with my friends to spending time with my family in Monaco, I didn't even notice how fast time passed.

There's a part of me that wishes I could do that every day. Unfortunately, being a formula 1 driver doesn't fit in with that idea.

I wouldn't change my life for anything else though. Racing is the only thing I'm truly passionate about.

Don't get me wrong, I love so many things. But nothing compares to the feeling of driving a car at a top speed around the world's most exciting circuits. It's exhilarating. Ever since I first tasted it, I can't live without it. It's my drug.

And tomorrow, after all these days of deprivation, my body will finally be fed because it's the Dutch Grand Prix.

•••

I crashed in Q3.

Again.

It shouldn't have happened. I'm so disappointed in myself. I was off to a perfect start despite the tricky conditions but I ruined everything. Let everyone down. My team and all the people who support me. If things don't change, I genuinely don't know if I'll have the strength to fight any longer.

Why in the world am I so unlucky ? Why do I keep making the same stupid mistakes ?

I'm so tired of it.

Without a second thought, I remove my steering wheel and jump out of the car, needing to get out of here. A couple of stewards follow me as I start walking around the track. My anger and frustration are probably written all over my gestures despite my face being covered by my gear.

Calm down, Charles.
Everything is going to be fine.

I end up in a lawn chair on the side of the road, feeling as ridiculous as ever. But what else can I do? My session is over. It can't get any worse than it already is. Might as well have a look at how the others are doing.

To get some fresh air, which I desperately need right now, I take off my helmet.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

OK, I'm fine. Alive and uninjured. One thing to be thankful for, at least.

The last 9 cars still out on track keep going around at a light speed. Every single driver is giving his life to make the best possible lap before time runs out. My eyes are glued to the big screen in front of me to follow the results. A small part of me hopes for a miracle consisting of me not ending up p10. But let's be honest, it's pretty unlikely to happen.

With only thirty seconds left on the clock, Lando is currently P1, followed by Oscar. However, I'd be more than surprised if Max didn't end up on pole. The guy just doesn't seem to want to give the rest of us a chance. Greedy for absolutely everything he can get, whether it's a pole position, a win or setting the fastest lap.

To be honest, he wouldn't be an f1 driver if he wasn't. And it's Max. He always had this insatiable mentality that I have a lot of respect for. Am I sometimes a little jealous of his achievements ? Yes, of course I am. Who wouldn't want to be in his shoes ? But he deserves it. Every single bit of it.

I know how hard he has worked to get to where he is today. All the sacrifices he has made along the way. Because I was there. Almost every step.

I remember it like it was yesterday. He and I, children, racing against each other like it was a matter of life or death. In a sense, it was for us. And for every other guy in our category. But there was something special about competing against him. He had this rage to be the best that few had. He challenged me a lot, which was as exciting as it was annoying.