Invisible string (lestappen)

Chapter 4 : Max

Dinner went great. I needed this. To just hang out with the people I love. It's pretty rare that I get to see them all at the same time with my crazy schedule. So when it happens, it's definitely special.

As soon as we get back home, I collapse on the bed and start scrolling through my phone. It's been a long day, but a good one.

On the other side of the bed, Kelly joins me to start reading. This has become our little evening routine. She reads another one of her romance books while I play games or use my phone. She's kind of obsessed with them. Like, seriously. But it's cute, and I'm not in a good position to judge since I'm the exact same way with racing. Or pretty much anything that has a link to it.

Out of curiosity, I decide to open Instagram. I don't usually spend that much time on social media, to be honest. Seeing what some people say gives me a headache, so I'd rather avoid it for my sanity. But I'm bored and I don't know what else to do so I could use a little distraction.

The first image I see in my feed is a post from the official F1 account. It has several pictures from the grand prix weekend. I swipe through them all, but pause on one about Charles. It's him in the Ferrari garage after his DNF. A mix of frustration and sadness written across his features. Understandably so.

Without thinking, I click on his identification on the picture and end up on his profile. We don't follow each other, but I've landed here more times than I care to admit. I blame it on curiosity. I've always been a nosy guy and I only want to make sure he's okay after his result. I'd do the same with any other driver.

Actually, with most of them, I'd have probably texted a "Hey, how are you doing after what happened ?', but it's different with Charles.

It always fucking is.

First of all, I don't have his stupid number. Why would I ? We're not friends. We get along really well, but we're nowhere near that stage. Second of all, like I said. We don't follow each other on any social media. It would just be totally weird for me to text him. Therefore, I have to rely on the crumbs he leaves behind for information.

Following him again would be an option in a parallel universe where I didn't have way too much pride. I mean, he literally unfollowed me like a baby after I acted like an asshole in a race. I'm still upset about it to this day.

Four years later.

It was at the Austrian Grand Prix. Charles was leading the race for a while but I managed to close the gap between us in the last laps. We fought on the limits, like we always do. Wheel to wheel. Only an inch away from touching each other. Neither of us willing to give up, until I saw the opportunity to overtake him. I took it, obviously, but in the manoeuvre, I accidentally made contact with his car. Thankfully, not enough to actually make us both crash but enough to make him lose time. That honestly wasn't my proudest moment, but I genuinely didn't mean to do that. I just wanted to pass, fair and square. What was I supposed to do then ? Stop my car and quit the race I was about to win ?

He was so mad at me. I could feel it in the air. From the moment we took the post-race picture to the podium. He didn't look at me once. Avoiding me like I had the plague or something. I mean, so what ? I didn't apologize for being a jerk. Nothing he hadn't seen before. He's been racing with me forever. He knows how I am. More than anyone else. He knows I didn't mean any harm.
Yes, I should've said sorry. And yes, I deserved the unfollow and much more honestly. But it still hurt. I felt like our relationship was evolving for the better. Like we were finally seeing eye-to-eye and we could maybe be friends. But then this happened. My stupid self screwed everything up. And now I feel like it's too late. So I decided to just let it go. Maybe it was a sign that we're just not meant to be friends ?

The universe has made that pretty clear.

I click on the last picture he posted. Again, just out of curiosity. My screen is filled with an image of him in his F1 car, followed by one with his girlfriend, Alexandra. I read the caption in my head.

'Pretty disappointing weekend but it happens. Now full focus on Monza, such a special place for me. (also a well-deserved pasta break with my girlfriend <3)'

'What are you doing ?'

I jump at the question, unaware that Kelly has stopped reading to look at my screen.

'Huh, nothing. I was just on instagram'

She squints her eyes.

'Is that Charles and Alex ?'

I nod, visibly embarrassed.

Why am I even ashamed for ? I act like a teenager who's been caught watching porn for fuck sake. I haven't even done anything wrong. I was on Charles' Instagram. Not a big deal. I just happened to end up there. If I'd been on Daniel's it wouldn't have been weird. So she shouldn't make much of it. Right ?

'Yeah, it is'

She grabs my phone to take a closer look at the picture and smiles, obviously blind to my inner panic.

'They're so cute !'

As if I hadn't spent the last ten minutes analyzing it, she turns the phone screen to my face so I can see it again.

'Aren't they adorable ?'

I mumble.

'I mean, yeah. You could say that'

They're obviously cute. But for some reason it's painful to say it out loud. Like, yeah, they look great together. I'm aware. Alexandra is flawless. Pretty, elegant and most definitely really nice too. She's the perfect person for him.

'I got to talk to her a little bit at the last grand prix. We got along so well. She's really nice'

I sigh. It's confirmed then. She is perfect.

'Yeah, I'm not surprised'

'How is Charles doing after the crash by the way ? It looked pretty bad'

I instinctively furrow my brows.

'Why are you asking me this ? He's not the only driver who crashed. GP told me he was okay, that's all I know. We're not close'

My words came out harder than I intended. I try to calm myself. She didn't even do anything wrong, I should be able to talk about a fellow driver without getting irritated. Why am I even irritated about ?

I don't understand myself sometimes.

'I just asked because I saw you looking at his picture. That's all. But I'm glad he's okay'

I take her hand and join it to mine.

'Me too. I'm sorry, it's just... it's been a long day'

'I understand Max. It's okay'

She kisses me softly before going back to her lecture. Reminding me once again that I don't deserve someone like her. At all.

I put my phone on my nightstand and turn off the lamp. I think I've had my dose of social media for the day.

'Good night Kell', I whisper.

'Goodnight babe'