Invisible string (lestappen)

Chapter 3 : Max

'Yellow flag, Max. Yellow flag'

'What happened ?', I ask while keeping my eyes on the track to avoid mistakes.

'There was a crash in sector 2', my engineer GP announces with a calm only he can master.

'Who ?'

'Charles'

My heart twists in a way I don't understand but I'm too busy focusing on my driving to dive into it. I can't believe he had an accident. A rush of panic passes through me at the thought that he might me injured. Fuck.

This isn't the first time this has happened this season. I can't even imagine how frustrated he must be right now. He deserves better. I hope Ferrari realises how lucky they are to have him. He's an amazing driver. I've had the chance to race against so many, but he's one of the few who's really challenged me.

I refrain from grilling GP for details of the event as it would be totally weird for me to do so, and settle on the most important question of all.

'Is he okay ?'

Please. Please, say yes.

'Yes, Max. He's fine'

My muscles begin to relax as a long breath escapes my mouth. I didn't even realise how tense I was. What on earth is wrong with me today ? I really need to start doing some yoga or something. He crashed. He's fine. Good. It's not a big deal. We're F1 drivers, accidents happen. More than we want them to. I shouldn't be feeling like this.

How do I even feel ? Scared ? For fuck's sake. I'm delusional. That's it. I'm just going crazy. Must be the speed. My neurons can't keep up with it all of a sudden.

As soon as we get the green flag, I take the next turn with ease and put my foot on the gas. No more fooling around. I just have to stay concentrated to get on pole and call it a day. That's all that matters at the moment. Not my Monegasque rival.

Not Charles.

•••

I did it. P1 at my home race. It feels even more special than usual. The support I get at Zandvoort is indescribable. The wave of the orange army standing up and cheering for me makes me want to win more than ever.

For them.

I stop my car in front of the pole position sign with a smile on my face. I take the time to congratulate Lando and Georges for their respective p2 and p3 finishes. They did a good job. Especially Lando. Second in a car that is by no means the fastest is incredible. But no surprise there. He's really talented.

After qualifying, I do all the necessary procedures before leaving the paddock.

•••

I couldn't have asked for a better way to start the second half of the season than to win here. I can't even imagine how disappointed I would've been if I hadn't, especially since I have all the cards in hand to do so.

To celebrate, I'm having dinner with my family and girlfriend Kelly. We've been together for over two years now and it's going well. It's comfortable. And it feels good to have someone to come home to at the end of the day. She's great, I'm grateful to have met her. My family loves her too, which makes it even better. Especially my dad, because he tends to be picky about who I date and who I'm involved with in general.

Nothing surprising about that.

We both get ready. She in a long black dress I bought her a few months ago, with matching heels. I put on a very simple outfit, just the way I like it. A white shirt and black pants. I add a few dashes of perfume as I look at myself in the mirror.

'You look handsome'

She gives me a gentle kiss on the lips.

'So do you'

'Oh, I look handsome huh ?', she teases.

I chuckle and rectify.

'No, of course not. You look pretty'

She smiles and returns to the bathroom, probably to finish her makeup, while I ignore the knot that formed around my heart. It happens so often that I've gotten used to it. But it shouldn't be there. I'm not supposed to feel that way every time I compliment or kiss her. It's not normal.

Why do I feel like the biggest liar when I say or do these things ? What man in his right mind wouldn't want to ? She's gorgeous. With her long dark brown hair, her blue eyes, and her soft lips. I believe she is. But for some reason, I never feel the need to initiate the kissing or affectionate things you do when you have a partner. I just do them back, like you do breathing. It's become so natural between us. I don't even think about it anymore.

But attraction doesn't work that way, I know that for a fact. You have to desire to be close to the person, to kiss them, to cuddle them. All that kind of stuff. Not just do them like a task you have to accomplish every day.

Maybe I'm broken. Maybe I can't feel these things the way other people can.

I sigh. Because I know for a fact that this is untrue since I have. A while ago. In the most confusing way possible, because I felt it for a boy. And not just any boy. Charles. My fucking rival.

I felt it so much it scared the shit out of me, to the point where I decided to put it down to my teenage hormones kicking in. It didn't mean anything. I was young, naïve, and confused. Love was still unknown to me. And I'm straight, for Christ's sakes. It just made no sense at all. So I just put everything that I was feeling, or thought that I was feeling, into an imaginary box that I locked up forever.

My life is with Kelly. She's the only one that counts. Every couple has their lows. This is ours. All I have to do is work on it, be a better person for her. I love her. I know I do. Maybe not the way I want, but love grows and changes. Everything will work out if I give it time.

At least I hope with all my heart that it will.

•••

We arrive at my sister's house on time. Thank God mine isn't too far from hers, I'd be dead if I was late. Victoria is the very definition of sweet until someone dares to be late for something she's organized. Luckily, I'm in the clear this time.

I go into the living room to join my mum who's already deep in conversation with my brother-in-law, Tom.

She finally catches sight of us.

'Oh Max, Kelly. You guys are finally here !'

We all greet each other and fall into a natural conversation about recent events. Soon my father and sister join us. They ask me about my victory, how the race went, and how difficult the conditions were. As I'm used to when I see them, I happily give them all the details. They're my family, so I feel comfortable talking about everything that happened because I know they're all genuinely interested.

With other people, it's different. In order not to bother them with another victory or pole position, I tend to talk less or get to the point. Because that's the way some people see it. Just another one. When it couldn't be further from the truth.

Every single achievement is special in my eyes. I'll never get tired of winning or being on top. I'll always want more. It's just who I am. Greedy as fuck. And I couldn't care less about how boring it might be for people. That sounds like their problem, not mine. I'm not here to be entertaining but to beat my competition.

This season is the best I could've hoped for right now and I plan on keeping it that way for as long as possible.