What If I'm Not Enough? (intersex)

chapter ninth

T/W: mention of Anxiety

Mama Martin in the media.

Ashton's pov

"This is The Center for Cancer here in Fort Worth. We've got some news about your mother.
How soon can you come down to speak with us?"

The words rang through my ears as Rell and I drove the 30 minutes to the cancer center where my mom was having her treatments.

I forced Rell to drive my car so I could overthink the words until my head felt like it was going to explode.

I don't think I could handle another tragedy at my young age. I'm only 25 for fucks sake.

At this rate, I'll never make it to my 26th.

Weird, I almost forgot my birthday was in 10 days, I haven't even planned anything.

Normally, Drew and I's birthday bash was a big celebration spanning over the entire day.

I haven't even considered the possibility that we wouldn't spend it together, but I haven't seen him since early May and I honestly don't think seeing him would do me any good.

So I guess for the first time in my life, I will spend it alone without my twin.

'Fuck, that actually hurts worse then I expected...'

I ran my fingers through my hair and willed all those thoughts about Drew away as I prepared for whatever I was about to hear.

We pulled in, parked then made our way inside to sit in the quiet waiting room.

I looked around at the few people in the room.

Some had faces of brokenness, others looked like they were the ones going through this when I knew their loved one was behind the doors.

Some had the most stoic faces planted, as if they couldn't feel a thing.

'I remember feeling that way. I'm glad I came out of that particular mindset'

I drummed my fingers on my arm, a nervous habit I'd picked up in high school.

When they finally called us back, I was a nervous wreck and Rell had to hold his arm around me to hold me steady.

'I really cannot handle one more thing going wrong. What if she's getting worse, what if she's got 1 week to live? Wait, no, that's irrational, they'd at least give us a few months...'