It hurts the first time she sees her with Wendy, of course it does, but she's surprised at the intensity of the burn. They're sitting together at the cafe, coffee in their hands and Michelle turns the other way. She skips her law class and rereads Romeo and Juliet for the 75th time.
She can't help herself from wondering if they wrote a play about her and Anntonia who would be Romeo or Juliet. She tosses the book across the room in anger. She's not Romeo, Anntonia is not Juliet.
She and Anntonia are not some tragic love story, they're nothing but Michelle and Anntonia, ex-fuckbuddies and she's got to get over it.
She covers her head with the covers and groans, her mind reels, still thinking and wondering.
She decides that she'd play the creepy handmaiden that's obsessed with Juliet. She wonders if their arduous relationship would exist then and she decides that no, because Juliet belongs with Romeo or even Paris, not to some poor sap of a girl with disposable love.
They would not exist in Romeo in Juliet, or in any other Shakespeare world because real life is messier than a story that ends in a double suicide.
-
She doesn't see Anntonia in lit class for three days and she thinks she's dropped it. Except, she shows up late one day, wet hair and apologetic eyes. Michelle freezes because oh she recognizes that look.
She swallows down her jealousy and tries not to stare holes into her back, tries not to notice the not so subtle hickey on the side of her neck.
Anntonia's the first one gone and Michelle sits until every single person is gone, legs gone to jelly. She walks slowly back to her room and waits, she doesn't know for what. Things aren't the same without Anntonia, and it's not just the sex, it's everything.
It's not having anything to look forward to after class, it's not having anyone to lay next to her, it's not being excited about anything because everything is back to being boring and plain. She doesn't even get to fight with Anntonia about stupid things because she just doesn't speak to her anymore.
She knows it's for the best, they would only end up in a fiery wreckage if they'd gotten together.
She remembers the way she broke down after Mira, the things she said to her in anger and she figures that Anntonia deserves better than that. Anntonia deserves the world, the moon, and the stars. Michelle can barely give her a piece of a cloud, something that would slip right through her fingers. Her love is disposable, as is she, and she knows that Anntonia is not.
-
"Okay, you need to get out of this weird, depressing funk."
"I'm not in a funk. I just don't have classes today." Michelle mutters from under the covers.
"You haven't left in two days."
"Actually-"
"Going to the shower doesn't count." Michelle says nothing and Kate sits on the bed, sighing softly. "Look, little monkey-"
"Stop calling me that."
"Whatever. You messed up, okay? Just own up to it and talk to her, tell her you want to be official and make a ton of annoying babies with her."
"I don't want that and I didn't mess up."
"Yes, you did and you have to admit it." with that Michelle removes the covers from her head and glares at Kate.
