The Unlovable Omega || Alpha x reader

| 3 | Unnameable Expression

I move my head up and flutter my eye lashes against the strong light. Before I can get a clear picture of your face, you pull me out of your grip and place me next to you on the sofa and throw a blanket over my face. I adjust to my new position and hear you quickly turning on the tv. The source of heat has left me. I feel the shivers creeping back in, as I pull the blanket closer to my shoulders. I'm too tired to wonder why you suddenly pulled your calm warm chest away from me and try to fight against sleep. I move my feet together with my still nerveless toes, as I suddenly feel a sharp pain shoot through my spine. It's my knees. There definitely bleeding. I can't even remember when I scraped them, but feel the urge to uncover the stinging wounds.

I pull the covers from off of my face and catch your gaze on me. You quickly look at the tv that you were pretending to watch earlier. I pull the covers from off my knees and see wounds deeper than I expected. How long have they been bleeding? Time seems unable to grasp tonight, so I figure I should clean them out as soon as possible. I throw my legs off of the sofa to stand up, but my still frozen toes don't give me much to balance. I quickly fall onto the wooden floor, too distracted to notice how your gaze is directed to me again. I eventually crawl, unable to trust my legs, towards the kitchen. You don't even look up from the tv. I figure the way you cuddled me with the warmth of life must've really been a fever dream due to the cold.

I pull myself up against the counter to reach the sink. I turn on the water and take the first rag that catches my eye. I tightly hold onto the counter to not lose my balance, as I lean down to clean one of the holes in my knees. The blood leaks out faster than I can clean, leaving me to struggle against time and quickly lean over the sink for more water. Suddenly my wrist twists, making me let go in pain. Before I can properly look at my hand, I feel my balance failing. I hold on to the first thing I see, but the glass slides off the counter and falls with me. A loud crash rumbles through the kitchen, as shards fly up in the air. I thud onto the sharp pieces, as some of them bury themselves in the flesh of my thighs. I just look down at the blood multiplying.

You suddenly appear in the door opening and look at me with a disappointed look. It seems you quickly found me by the trail of splattered blood on the wooden floor and the sound of the breaking glass. My hands pat the floor behind me to find where the rag must've fallen and suddenly bump into a foot. I lean my head over my shoulders to look at the tall figure behind me. Your face wears an unreadable expression. Was it anger, hate, annoyance? No, but what it was, I couldn't tell. My feet suddenly lose the ground, as you pick me up and lift me on the counter. Your tongue clicks between your teeth in annoyance at the sight of the glass shards. You lean down to pick the shards out of my thighs, as I look away due to pain making my eyes water. I remember you getting annoyed at that last time, so try to hide my first tears sliding down my cheeks.

As the last shards cuts my skin open to get out, I let out a sigh of relief. I face towards you again curious to what face you're making. I was expecting the same angry scowl, or at least an annoyed glare like you're used to. But you wore the same expression of before that I couldn't name. "That must've hurt" you admit in a soft tone without thinking, as you grab the rag from under my fingers. You're so focused on the wounds, you're eyes haven't looked at me even once. You gently pat the blood away from the cuts, as I look at you with a confused expression. I'm still trying to name the emotion you're showing. You eventually look up and take in my confused teary face. You're tone suddenly switches "Don't forget to clean your dirty blood off of the floor" as you throw the rag onto my thighs and leave. I wonder if I shouldn't have looked at you and if that's the reason why you're suddenly so angry.

I use my arms to lift me up off of the counter, before stumbling and falling back down on the floor. My wounds seem about to spill over again, as I make an attempt to clean the first stains of blood. I try to wipe them faster, but my wounds create new spots where I had just gotten rid of them. I stop in confusion on how to fix this, as I notice you're still watching me from in the door way. I eventually trust my hoarse voice and stutter out "Could I-, maybe-, you know-" Your eyebrows furrow with a questioning expression. "Spit it out" I hear from the other side of the room, almost sounding like a command. "Ba-band aids" I finally manage out, followed by an annoyed groan and a quick walk towards one of the higher cabinets. I still don't dare to look at you, as a bunch of bandages get thrown on the floor next to me. I hear you leave the kitchen with stomping feet. I place one over each of the tiny cuts from the glass. The ones on my knees don't fit the area of the band aid, but luckily have stopped bleeding. I try to recall the new face you'd made and still come up empty. The gentle gestures and voice you'd used seemed so different from your other actions before.

I realize you aren't as predictable as I thought you were.

____________

I walk out of the bathroom in a long towel I found, almost making me trip with every step. I had felt dirty due to the champagne and blood, so took a long bath and feel much better now. I look down at my now damp feet and realize I don't have any clothes. I feel like you'd get angry if I wore the wedding gown, so I decide to look around the house for something. I peak my head through the bedroom door opening and let out a sigh in relief to see you're not there. I open some drawers, but can only find men's clothing that seem to belong to you. Eventually I give up and take out one of your shirts. It was just black basic t, so I thought there might be a chance you wouldn't get angry. I pull the fabric over my head and see it almost reaching my knees. It feels like there could fit two or no maybe three of me in here, so I let out a sigh rethinking my choice. But as I hear you pass the bedroom door, I quickly accept the shirt as it is and sneak down the stairs.

I never imagined I would have to avoid my own husband in our home, but yet here we are.

I go up to the windowsill in the kitchen with soft pillows and good sight of the lake. It was still snowing. I watch the snowflakes disappear in the water. As a child I'd always wondered where they'd gone. I'm pretty sure that's how my obsession started with snow. It's only normal when you're forced to watch outside a tiny window all day. "Now I have a whole landscape of beautiful things" I tell myself, as if trying to convince myself this life was so much better. My eyes slide down the white blanket on the docks, as I notice one of the windows was a door leading outside. I can't help my curiosity and get off of the windowsill to open the door. I walk with my still damp feet into the crushing snow. I wander off further down to the docks, since I want to see the snowflakes disappear in the water from up close. I create more footsteps in the white surface, as I reached the water. But when I bend over to get the right view, something grabs a hold of my neck.

"Ughehh" I struggle to breath, as you drag me back inside with a furious expression. "Who said you could go outside?" your voice yells in my face angrily, as you push me against the wall still holding on to my neck. I couldn't even answer that question if I wanted, since you harshly tighten your grip. "Don't just act however you please!" Your gaze slides down, as you notice the shirt with a clenched jaw in fury. I hold my breath and close my eyes, already expecting an outburst. You snatch the shirt off of me by the hem roughly, letting go of my neck and revealing my naked body. I cough, before quickly trying to cover up what you forcibly exposed. You smirk in my face and almost seem to hold in a chuckle.

"Why cover something up so unattractive?" you ridicule me, as you force my hands to the wall and take a good look. "I can't believe I got married to such a curveless woman" Your eyes dart away every piece of my skin "You're not womanlike at all" You come closer to my tearing eyes faced away from you. "I'd rather snap both your legs than have sex with you" Your grip tightens, as I can't struggle my wrists away from the wall. "It's bad enough I had to marry you, so don't make it worse by pissing me off" You lean into my ear and use an aggressive scary tone "I'll live my life as if that wedding never happened" You grab my face towards you, as I regain one of my wrists to cover myself. "So for all I care" You squeeze my cheeks and force eye contact.

"die"