Oneshots: A Benley Collection

Grief

Ben ran to the hospital as soon as he got the call. His wife had a heart attack. That was ridiculous. His wife had indigestion. She said that's all it was. He felt something was wrong but she was already pissed at him so he didn't want to aggravate her even more.

"Where is she" He ran in and found Richard

"She's in the OR. Pierce is doing a keyhole CABG to fix the damage"

"How much damage"

"We don't know until she's done. There's nothing we can do but wait"
Ben couldn't believe his ears. His heart sank. His wife had to be okay.

"She said it was indigestion" His blood boiled in him. Why didn't he press her? Why wasn't she honest with him? And why did she come here when the best of the best work at GreySloan? He sat down and images of their past flashed through his mind.
The words repair the damage repeated over and over again in his head. His wife's heart was damaged. He blamed himself, he blamed that hospital, he blamed the world. He just wanted to blame anything and everything. That day played over and over in his head. It didn't make sense to him.

He adjusted his tie and looked in the mirror. Normally his wife would adjust the tie for him and then kiss him. He sat on the bed and put on his dress shoes. He walked out of the room and walked to Tuck's room. He stood at the door and opened it. He walked into the room and looked around. Things were missing and some things were boxed up. He normally stayed away from this room. The empty look of it matched the empty feeling Ben felt in his heart whenever he came in here. He picked up a picture of Tuck and Miranda and stared at it for a while. He laid the photo on the bed, sighed, and walked out.

He grabbed his keys and got in his car. He opted to drive in silence thinking about all the conversations this car had been the stage for. All the laughs they shared, the petty arguments, and the heart-to-hearts. He drove to the church and got out. He stared at all the people standing around and he tried his best not to break down. He slowly walked towards the church. As he approached he saw Tuck standing with his father. He wanted to walk over to him but he opted not to. However, Tuck ran over to him once he saw him.

"Dad" Tuck squeezed him

"Hey bud" Ben rubbed his back

"I miss you" Tuck sniffled

"Yeah, I miss you too" Ben nodded. He looked at Tucker staring at him and he walked toward him

"Tuck let's head into the church" Tucker put his hand on his son's shoulder

'Dad" Tuck squeezed Ben tighter

"Tucker, please just let me have him today" Ben sighed

Tucker started to open his mouth but his wife put her hand on his shoulder. He simply nodded and walked away. Some Greysloan doctors walked over to Ben

"Hey Ben" Richard shook his hand

"Richard" Ben nodded

"If you need anything, just reach out" Jackson put his hand on his shoulder

Maggie just stood there unsure of what to say. She didn't want to face Ben. She had lost a patient before. What surgeon hasn't? She's also had to face their loved ones, but this was different. This was one of their own.

"Pierce, thank you for all you did" Ben nodded

They all walked into the church and took their seats. Tuck held tightly onto Ben. He thought back to when his mom called him. He played that call in his head over and over again. She was in the hospital at that moment. Her heart was being damaged by the second and she thought to call her son and he rushed to end the call. He didn't want her taking a picture of him. He just wished she was here to take as many pictures of him as she wanted. He started crying and Ben comforted him.

This was a weird feeling. She was so afraid of having to go to Ben's funeral because he decided to be a firefighter and yet here he was at her funeral. He looked at the casket. His whole world was in that casket. Ben listened intently as coworkers got up and shared stories about his wife. He opted not to get up and say anything. He wouldn't be able to. He wrote something but he would never share it. Instead, he decided to bury it with his wife. Miranda's parents comforted Ben as he sat in his seat and tried not to cry. His life partner was gone. He began to resent that hospital. His wife may have loved working there but she gave that hospital too much of herself. Even back when she was an intern taking crap from Dr. Baylow. Now she quite literally gave her life for this hospital. 

"I don't like that my father is keeping me away from you" Tuck admitted. In the weeks since Miranda died, Tucker decided that Tuck should stay with him. 

"We don't have to worry about that right now son" Ben sighed. He thought about what Tuck would do if something happened to him too. Now that he has lost his mom Ben doesn't want him to deal with losing him too. He was torn between being a firefighter and just staying at the hospital. He felt that his wife would say that life is terrifying. Life is too precious to waste doing anything less than what makes you happy. And she would want him to be happy. He owed her that. He had to keep living and being happy. Finally at the end of the service is when Ben broke. He got up and walked out of the church and Miranda's mother followed him. 

He couldn't catch his breath and he sat down on the ground

"Benjamin" Elena walked over to him 

"She isn't supposed to be dead" He yelled "She said it was indigestion" 

"Mandy was a very stubborn girl. I think she got it from her father. That man is so stubborn. Both of them are very headstrong" She nodded "And she has always been brilliant and hardworking. I always tried my hardest as her mother to keep her right under my watchful eye but I learned to let her spread her wings. Learned to let her be" 

"She essentially worked herself to death and I can't help but think I contributed" 

"Well don't. Mandy wouldn't want you to do this Ben" Elena put her hand on his shoulder and urged him to stand up but he didn't budge

"I'm angry" He shook his head "At me, at the hospital, at medicine, at my dead wife" He tried not to yell 

"Ben" 

"I know, how can I be mad at a dead person" 

"You aren't mad at her for being dead" She sat down next to him "You're mad at the pain her death is causing you" 

Ben laid his head on her shoulder and just cried.  He missed having a mother. Now his son was going to have to experience that. He just hoped he could be there for him. He understood the grief of losing a mom and he pushed everyone away. He didn't want his son to process his grief that way. He loves Tuck too much to let that happen. Miranda would want him to take care of Tuck. Ben didn't think Tucker would understand and it didn't matter to him if he did or not. He understood and he was who Tuck needed. 

"Deal with your grief and then you could, you should fight for him" She smiled at Ben "But right now we are going to sit here and you are going to cry and then tomorrow you're going to cry, and you may cry many days after this but Benjamin the most important part is that you get up and keep going. For yourself. For Tuck. And for Mandy" 

He sniffled and nodded before crying again