UGLY DUCKLING; S.MENDES

..rumors..

He told me not to worry. Bullshit. All I could here as I passed by people on the way to my locker was "omg poor girl" and "I thought she knew she didn't have a chance" and "aw I feel kinda bad" or the worst "she's soo ugly like damn I can't believe Shawn was even friends with her. She's like the ugly duckling." And that pretty much killed me. Being compared to a fictional character that wasn't even human? They were calling me less...they were calling me an animal.

I swallowed my tears and unlocked my locker, revealing a note.

ugly duckling, ugly duckling,
he's a king,
you're a peasant,
he's pleasant,
you're stupid,
he's cupid
and you were struck by his arrow,
but you're just a sparrow
now you're dead
and we're all fed

I could not believe what I had just read. I scrunched the note into my fist and closed my eyes. I held my eyes closed to let my tears reside.

"Alayna, I texted you last night and you didn't reply- oh wait...are you okay? It looks like you're pissed or possessed..." I heard a voice murmur. Of course only that sense of humor and tone of voice could belong to my best friend Cher.

I opened my eyes and couldn't help but laugh. "I'm a voodoo queen, remember?"

"Ah....um...this is where I run..??" She asked hesitantly, holding back her ridiculous laugh.

"Nah babe. I only conduct scary shit on people I..." I was about to say "hate" but I realized how strong that word is. Just like all the words in that shitty poem. I sighed and shoved it in the corner of my locker as I grabbed my books for class.

"I knew it. You know about the rumors..." She said quietly as she glanced to the floor. "Shawn can be a real dick sometimes...I don't know if it's that stupid Magcon thing or what."

"It's not his fault, he did what was best." I replied as I started walking towards my first period class, music.

"I'm not following along...oh. Wait! The rumors are true? You finally asked him..." She ran towards me and threw an arm around me. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It'll all be over soon and I won't be an ugly duckling. Just wait and see." I replied as I shook out of her arm and grabbed the knob to the classroom door.

"Don't be that way, Lay. This isn't you. I know you feel like you gotta prove them wrong, but you don't have to lose yourself in the process. Nasty things happen but you can't become bitter." She said softly as she stepped in front of me.

"That's how you know it's real pain, it changes you." I replied as I looked her right in the eye.

'There are two types of pain in this world, pain that hurts you and pain that changes you.' And frankly I have already hurt enough within the past ten hours. I don't want to come to school with tears in my eyes and cuts on my lip. I don't want to fake a smile every time I see Shawn. I don't want to do anything besides be happy again and it's so hard to be happy when everything you see makes is full of regret.

I opened the door and sat in my regular seat, right in the middle. I couldn't wait to hear what these people had to say. I wondered if they'd be more creative with nicknames or if they'd just stick with Ugly Duckling. I bit my lip as I read over lyrics to a song I was assigned to sing for my final project.

"Alayna, listen I'm super sorry. I know all of these rumors are really rude and I'm just so sorry I had to put you through this. I didn't mean any of it. I don't know what I was thinking and honestly- I'd love to date you, will you give me a second chance?"

I looked up from my lyric sheet to see a pair of deeply furrowed brows and dull chocolate eyes. "I'll give you one chance to move your ass back to where it came from before I-"

"Seriously Kyle, give her a break. She already has to put up with enough..." I heard Shawn say as he took a seat next to me.

"Yeah I do, and I don't need you defending me either." I replied as I glared at him. I looked back down at my paper and blocked out every voice in the room.

"I know what I did was wrong-" Shawn started but I cut him off.

"Would you please shut up. Seriously, I'm fine with everything and honestly I don't need an apology. What you did is fine. Just let it be, okay?"

"Just fine? What do you mean?" He asked staring at me in wonder.

I sighed "I mean-"

"OK class stop opening your mouths like pac-man and pay attention." Our music teacher Mrs. Herdly said pointedly, looking directly at me.

At that point I gave up trying to explain, the only thing that made me wanna talk to Shawn was the broken look on his face. It was as though he was missing parts to him and he knew if he stretched his fingers a little farther he could find them and fix himself. But unfortunately my explanation was a part and I was the one dangling it in front of him, barely out of reach, just far enough for me to feel comfortable and for him to suffer, the way I was suffering.