UGLY DUCKLING; S.MENDES

..stained cheeks..

I'm actually okay with going to school today because I know I won't have to deal with explanations.

Explanations: one thing I'll never be able to deal with.

Personally I hate explaining things. Even right now I feel as though no matter how much I try, no one will ever fully understand what I'm thinking and I guess that's kind of beautiful. It's beautiful that a person's thoughts belong to them and no matter how many words, expressions, and actions they spit up- no one will ever fully comprehend what they're trying to explain. But I guess maybe sometimes you meet one person in your life that has the closest idea to what you're explaining and that must mean that you're meant for each other.

Despite all of the nasty/amazing similarities we all have, our thoughts/thought processes are never going to be fully understandable or relatable. One might say "I totally agree" but in reality it's just that they don't fully understand their own thoughts so they must agree with something vaguely similar and more understandable. That's why some people are compatible, they agree on certain things that they, themselves have not fully comprehended yet.
--
I hadn't seen Shawn all day and it didn't bug me one bit, until the murmurs started to arise.

"Have you heard or seen Shawn lately?" Cher asked hesitantly, more serious than I've ever heard her talk.

I nervously chuckled "Uh last night...or technically this morning I talked to him, why?"

"Well people have been saying stuff..." She replied glancing around the hall.

I flattened my expression "Let them talk, most of it is bullshit anyway."

"I know...but this is serious."

"What do you mean?"

"Well one of his closest friends here, aside from you...or used to be you...anyway he said that Shawn came in with splotchy skin and bloodshot eyes. He tried talking to him but all he got was mumbles and sighs. He ended up asking about you and well apparently at the mention of your name he punched the guy and he left the campus in tears."

I stood there blankly, not sure how I should react. Half of me didn't care, and the other half just had its heart ripped out. It was either "it's about time that little shit felt bad" or "I need to find him now." So I chose a compromise.

"That's...interesting."

I realized then, how interested I'd been in Shawn lately. It was like I was seeing hidden layers of him.

"You're not the least bit worried?" She asked me as she grasped my shoulders and furrowed her brows.

"That's the thing, I am, but at the same time I don't wanna care." I replied as I stared past her.

"It's your job to be there for him when he's down, even if you're the one who made him that way. You'll always be close no matter how much you part. You'll always be those people who 'used' to know each other no matter how much you hate it." She said as she met my gaze and gave me a sad smile.

"I know that. It's just...I can't talk to him. I promised and he promised...or rather agreed."

"What kind of bullshit is that?" She asked, clearly annoyed at my choices.

"Why are you so concerned with my business? Why don't you go find him and console him, I'm sure you'd be glad to do that. Also why not hug him, maybe a kiss? You're prettier anyways, maybe your his swan." I practically blew up at her as my squinted eyes ran around her innocent face.

She stood in utter shock and disbelief at my sudden outburst and she finally glanced down and shook her head.

"You don't get it. You're his ugly duckling, that's why he loves you."