UGLY DUCKLING; S.MENDES

..lost..

(- this is in Shawn's pov & I'd like to know if you want me to continue doing his pov when something significant happens so comment please¡! : ) -)

\~ Shawn ~/
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Leaving was the hardest thing I had ever done. One thing I've learned from this experience is that a friendship can never be the same if it develops into love.

Maybe I did love her, maybe I didn't?

I guess I'll never find out.

All I know is that she is a truly beautiful person inside and out. It's too bad I can't convince myself that. Her thoughts are beautiful but she isn't exactly the prettiest girl I've ever seen. And it kills me to say that. Looks shouldn't matter, but to all my friends it does. That's why I never thought about dating her, because everyone else thinks she's just an ugly duckling.

But really, she's my ugly duckling.

I have no choice or chance now. We both agreed to not be friends anymore and I like that- it saves me from hurting her more than I already did. The only downfall is, that I'll never be able to love her.

I really will never be able to forgive myself for what I've done. She deserves so much better than a shitty apology. And that's all I could give her- an apology.
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I sighed as I lifted the small blade to my wrist. This was an old hobby I took up in the first year of high school. It was back when I was "nobody" and I remember Alayna thought the same thing about herself. And that's when she took up the hobby of smoking. I had blood and she had nicotine. We called ourselves the Deathly Duo. She knew each cigarette took away a day of her life and I knew if I cut deep enough I could bleed to death.

We both came a long way from our old selves but now it seems like we're not that far away from becoming them again.

Maybe she's happy with our decision? Maybe I'm the only one who's thinking about what could've been. Maybe now I'm the one in love.

We promised each other that we'd never let each other slip away again, I'd never let her smoke and she'd never let me cut.

But what happens when we don't have each other anymore? We don't have a promise to keep.

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Woah. I wasn't expecting to write any of this but I don't know, I kinda like it¿? It shows that Shawn actually cared about her and he was peer pressured into rejecting her. So maybe there is hope! I SHIP #SHAYNA And right now the ship is sinking....but maybe it'll sail¿? P.s. Sorry for such a small update but it was importante plus I needed to post one : D
I hope you guys are still interested in this story, I've lost a drastic amount of votes these last few chapters : ( let me know if I should continue, I'm feeling kinda discouraged despite how excited I am for the future chapters of this book.
Anyways I love you SOOO MUCH! And thanx for reading, I cannot say how much I appreciate the support from you enough.
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I wrote this forever ago and I really like it. Sorry for me being MIA I love writing, I really do. I'm just not liking wattpad right now : (
Love ya
~ Tamara <3 : )