UGLY DUCKLING; S.MENDES

..lies..

I rushed into every class before Shawn had a chance to confront me about my anticipated confession, and the school day passed rather quickly. I had decided to go out for lunch to avoid the busy dreadful cafeteria with the busy dreadful people. It was funny how much I'd grown to dislike everyone and how much I was starting not to care.

Before, I'd get random smiles in the halls but now people avoid my gaze. Its almost like I'm a shame, a lesson to all girls who have helpless crushes.
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WARNING:
DO NOT CONFESS YOUR LOVE TO SOMEONE WHO IS TOTALLY OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE. YOU WILL END UP SAD, EMBARRASSED, LONELY & BITTER. EX- ALAYNA MELANIE BELLER.
P.S. DEPENDING ON THE CIRCUMSTANCES YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR MAY SURVIVE AND YOU MAY NOT GIVE ANY FUCKS ANYMORE, THEREFORE BECOMING IMMUNE TO BULLSHIT WHICH IS KINDA OKAY.
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Like any typical situation, I was stuffing my books in my locker when I let my guard down. Then someone approached me; Shawn Mendes.

"Hey. Um you think you could give me a ride home? I have explaining to do and so do you. I don't want this...uh situation to um demolish our friendship."

I held back a laugh. "I suppose everyone else is busy?"

"No, I could get a ride with someone else, anyone really-" he started mumbling.

"Yes, because everyone loves you and if you asked them to bow to you every time you entered this prison everyone would. And some idiots might even kiss your feet." I replied matter of factly as I grabbed the photo from my locker and slammed the door shut.

"I- mean...listen, I screwed up okay? Everyone does once in a while because we're all hu-"

"I can't fucking believe you...I will not promise to explain anything but I do promise to give you a ride." I said as I cut him off. Everything he was saying was true and the thoughts were familiar. They were mine too.

"Okay. Thank you Lays." He replied with a small smile.

I shook my head, why did I do this to myself? There you go again, letting him call you a bag of potato chips and letting him give you a smile when really you deserve so much more. It'll be like nothing happened, because of course nothing happened for him. It was caused conversation when he rejected me- nothing more. We'll be the super close best friends we were and then it'll lead me to believe that maybe we have a chance again even though we never will or more specifically I never will. Cool, sounds fun, I've had my heartbroken by him already I can have it broken by him again.

I walked out of the hot stuffy hallway and cringed when the brisk air hit my face, it felt unpleasant.

"Why do you still have our picture in your hand?" He asked hesitantly.

"I was going to...never mind."

"You were gonna throw it away." He replied as a harsh statement.

"You're correct."

"Oh." I could see the disappointment in his eyes, they seemed to cloud over into a dull grey almost like the sky when it's about to rain.

"Our friendship doesn't depend on a picture anyways so why does it matter?" I replied as I rolled my eyes.

"It obviously does to you."

"I could say the same about you." I spat back at him.

"Please, just for right now can we forget about what happened? Can we just pretend like everything's fine and nothing's been broken?" He pleaded.

I stared at his face, examining every detail and line of expression. He was unaware. Unaware of how much he hurt me and chances are- he will never know.

I can't just forget about what happened in a split second. Every fucking time I look at his face I'm reminded of the causal expression he gave me when he rejected me, it's like I could've been asking for a damn pencil and he simply replied "sorry but I don't have one."

"Catch a ride with someone else asshole. Also don't you dare talk to me again, I don't want you in my life anymore. After all you're better than me, it was really stupid of me to confess my love for you. Pfft, like you'd care about an ugly duckling when there's a pond full of such beautiful fucking swans?" I replied, half yelling and half sobbing.

He furrowed his brows and closed his eyes. He stood there, motionless.

"All I wanna say is that I respect you're choice and I'd like it if you respected mine. Just stay away from me for the remainder of school."

"Alayna."

"Shawn."

"But-"

"Don't."

"Fine." He opened his eyes and hinted at a nasty scoff.

I'm done with him, I actually thought he was gonna cry. His fucking voice was shaking, but not out of sadness- out of anger.

I brought my hand up to my mouth to stifle a bitter sob as I searched his eyes for a hint of regret. But of course, I found none, because like I've said before, he's one of those shitty people who live without regret.