Dead in the Water | An Odesta Fanfic

Chapter Sixteen

When Bay found him, Finnick was in an alleyway outside, throwing up on the side of the street. If it had been anyone else, he might have been embarrassed. But it was only Bay, and Bay had seen him looking much worse. Finnick was too overwhelmed to care anyway, still trying to understand what he had just seen playing out in front of him.

The splatters of blood on camera lenses. Mutilated bodies falling to the ground. Kai's lifeless eyes watching him through the screen. Annie adjusting the bloody bandage around her brother's neck. Her whispered promises that he would be safe. It was all making him sick.

Kai was dead. He was dead and Finnick had stood by and watched him die.

Had he really thought he could save him? He felt like a disease, corrupting and killing everything that came close to him. There had been one glimpse of goodness in his life and he had lost it, just like he had lost anything else good in his life.

Finnick learned against the wall, beads of sweat running down his face and mixing with the tears. "What happened?" he whispered. "We were supposed to save him, Bay."

Bay shook his head. Finnick could hear the aching pain in his voice. "There's only so much you can do once they go into the arena."

"I should have sent something. I should have distracted them. I should have stopped them from talking."

"It wouldn't have helped."

"You don't know that. You don't know for sure. We should have tried." He ran his fingers through his hair and pulled at the curls. "I should have tried."

"No." Bay said. "No, don't blame yourself, Finnick. Not again."

​"I shouldn't have left –"

​"There was nothing you could have done. Nothing would have changed if you were there."

​"It's just like Caspian – I left and I killed another one –"

​"It's not your fault, Finnick. Do you hear me? None of this was your fault."

Bay could say it as many times as he wanted, but he could never make it true. Another wave of nausea swept over him and he stumbled back. The image of Kai's severed head dripping with blood never seemed to leave his mind. He could see it when he closed his eyes.

Bay reached out in concern, but Finnick pushed him away. "No – no, I'm okay. I just need a minute."

He was a victor. He had killed tributes himself. He had trapped them in nets and slaughtered them while they were defenseless. His hands had been stained with their blood. This shouldn't bother him so much.

"I probably just had too much to drink last night."

He never escaped the arena, not really. The death hadn't ended when he won the games. He could still remember Caspian's face, pale and sprawled out against the sand, his lips cracked and swollen. Caspian, Kai, all those tributes in his games – how many more kids would he have to kill?

"Finnick –"

"I just need to sleep. I need a break. I'll be better tomorrow."

"Finnick," Bay grabbed him by the shoulders and held him steady. "I know it's hard to watch, but you can't give up on Annie now."

Annie?

Annie hadn't even crossed his mind.

What chance did she have? She was as good as dead already. He had killed her too. He ripped off his communicuff and shoved it at Bay. "She lost every one of her sponsors, Bay. Every last one of them withdrew support. How am I supposed to keep her alive without any sponsors?"