The past few months have seen a change in my routine. Several times I have been called before the AllFather and taken down to Loki's holding cell. Every time I'm brought to him, he gives no sign of any emotion toward me, no recognition. But once I am inside, and we are away from the guards' view, his entire demeanor changes. He holds me close, caressing me and loving me so sweetly, so tenderly, that I cannot fault him for needing to have a shield to protect himself from seeming weak or vulnerable. Sometimes I'm retrieved after only an hour, other times we have most of the day together. I'm not sure what decides the time given us, but I'm not going to argue with gifts of time with my beloved.
This morning, I am again instructed to make my way to the AllFather. I try to control the light skip that I can't keep out of my step. When I stand before Odin and Frigga, the Queen smiles kindly and walks toward me. She takes my hand as I curtsy before her and she murmurs "Thank you, Y/n, for your willingness." Then she gives me a wink, and I realize that she understands why I can't keep from smiling today. The AllFather walks toward me and I turn to follow him, my heart pounding. My anticipation grows with every step we take.
But when we walk into the room, and I look at Loki's face behind the glass, what I see shocks me. Instead of that blank expression that has been the norm, instead I see anger and hostility burning in his eyes. I stop short and wonder what has happened to make him look at me that way. Meanwhile the AllFather is speaking his usual words warning Loki of dire consequences should he harm me, and then he murmurs "We shall return for her on the morrow." Normally I would thrill to know that I will have all day and night with my beloved, but my concern causes me to barely register his words. Then he ushers me inside, shuts the entrance and we are soon left on our own. I watch Loki as he begins pacing around the room, not looking at me. He reminds me of the stories I've heard of the Midgardian animal called a lion. The feral gleam in his eyes and the obvious tension of his muscles make me almost afraid to speak. I just hold my tongue, waiting as I have done in the past for him to tell me his troubles.
At last he whirls around and strides up to where I stand. I know better than to show outward signs of fear, but I can't help leaning back slightly when he comes stalking up to me. "So," he hisses roughly, "I've discovered the secret of why you have been brought to me." My eyes widen in confusion. There's a secret about why I'm here? His voice lowers to a growl as he continues "Thor doesn't understand that he has given everything away. This has all been an attempt to soften me, to make me willing to give them help when they find a use for me. And you, you have been working with them, you have betrayed me to help them." I start shaking my head wildly, opening my mouth to speak but he cuts me off. "No lies! I do not want to hear your lies, your pathetic excuses." His hand comes up and latches around my throat, light pressure constricting my breathing as he pushes me back toward the bed.
My legs hit the bed and I fall roughly. He stands towering over me, anger blazing in his eyes. What I also see there makes me ache for him. There is pain and hurt lurking beneath the anger. He really does feel that I've betrayed him. With a wave of his hand my garments dissolve into thin air, and then another wave brings my hands above my head, bound tightly. As his clothing disappears he lowers himself onto the bed. His hand comes back to my throat, just tight enough to bring a hint of fear. "Tell me the truth now, Y/n," he grinds out, "Tell me, just what was your assignment? Tell me of the rewards you would receive from the AllFather once you made me pliable and willing to cooperate."
I try to inhale, but his hand tightens slightly. I manage to croak out "I know of no such plans, Loki, I swear to you! I have been promised no rewards, I have been told nothing of such an idea." He shakes his head and roars "Lies! Do you think I care what punishments they would concoct if I ended your life right here? How could you betray me Y/n?" His other hand moves down and shoves my legs apart fiercely. Two of his fingers plunge inside of my wet heat and his anger seems to only intensify. "Are you so aroused by your schemes? The lure of presents, of gifts and rewards from the royal family, this excites you so that you can feign passion, pretend love of the caged monster?"
Tears form in my eyes at his harsh words. He really thinks me capable of lying to him this way. I shake my head and plead "Loki, please, you know I love you. Why do you say these things?" Again, I see a war of emotions in his eyes. Anger, pain, lust, love, fear, all these show in his stare. Without warning he thrusts himself deep inside of me, his hand still wrapped around my throat. Glaring down at me he orders once more "Tell me the truth Y/n! What were you promised for pretending to love this monster, this outcast? Was it worth it to you?" Before I can speak, I realize that so much of the anger and fear I'm seeing is directed at himself almost as much as toward me. Understanding finally comes. He believes that he is unworthy of love, so it's easy to make himself believe that I'm being bribed to show him affection. I know that the only way to show him the truth is to be completely uninhibited with him. I must allow him to see the depths of my feelings.
I wish desperately that my hands weren't bound by his tricks. Wrapping my legs around his waist, I look up at him, willing away any fear I've felt and trying to allow only love to shine. "Loki, I love you, and I always have," I whisper. "Even now, you know you are not forcing me to lay with you, no matter how you have me here. I will always be yours." Tears begin falling from my eyes, but I cannot stop now. "I do not see a monster in you. All I see is the man I love." Sharp angry thrusts of his hips cut off my words, and I moan and clench my walls around him. His hand leaves my throat at last and I'm able to gulp down air. "Tell me the truth," he hisses, but his tone has lost some of the anger, "Tell me Y/n." He thrusts with each remark. "Tell me the truth about us."
I whimper as I feel my climax approaching. "Loki, darling, I love you. You are the man I love, the man I desire-OH!" My words are cut off as it hits me hard. I scream out his name and pull him closer with my trembling legs. His thrusts still seem fueled by anger and hurt, and he continues the sharp motions that only prolong the blissful feelings. I'm barely drifting down when another burst hits me and I cry out again. I keep my eyes on his face and call out for him. I watch as the anger slowly drains with every movement and wonder and vulnerability replaces the fear in his gaze. With a few faltering thrusts he climaxes, the movements and the sound of Loki calling out my name setting off a final orgasm for me.
His head falls to my shoulder. My hands are allowed to fall at last and I quickly bring them to his shoulders, caressing him and running my fingers through those long locks I've come to love so. I hear muffled sounds and his shoulders begin shaking. When he lifts his head to meet my gaze, I see glistening tears running down his face. "Y/n, forgive me," he sobs, "I was so hurt, so afraid..." He chokes down another sob and I shush him and bring my lips to his. "Loki, don't insult me by feeling like you must apologize," I murmur, "I understand." He shakes his head mournfully. "No, I must make this right. When Thor spoke of how he arranged for this kindness, this charity, all I could think was that they were using you against me, that they were exploiting my love and that you were a part of their schemes." A few fresh sobs wrack his lean form. "I was so hurt, so angry, and afraid that everything was a lie. Imagine, the God of Lies and Mischief afraid he's been lied to. I wanted to punish you, to hurt you for conspiring with them."
His eyes meet mine again, and I feel a thrill at seeing my lover back. All I see now is love and devotion shining in his eyes. "But you, you never faltered. You could not feign passion the likes of which you just showed." I shake my head and kiss him again. "Loki, I never have to feign passion for you. Being with you again is a gift, and I'm grateful for any moments we share. But never doubt my love for you again, understand?" He nods and wraps his long body around mine. His fingers trail over my skin and he whispers "Did I... I hurt you, didn't I?" He starts massaging my neck where his fingers had gripped so tightly. I choose not to insult him by minimizing what has happened. "It did hurt a little," I allow, "but not as much as you doubting me." Loki sheepishly nods and declares "I will never doubt you again, my darling." His soothing touch relaxes me, and eases the lingering soreness. He proceeds to leave soft kisses upon every light bruise that is forming, followed by gentle touches that seem to heal them.
Our bodies tangle together on the rumpled sheets. Then Loki pulls away to look in my eyes. I smile when I see that familiar teasing light beaming at me. "Did the AllFather really say that no one would return for you till tomorrow?" I begin grinning as the memory of his words returns to me. With everything that had happened, I had all but forgotten his words. "Yes, he did. I am to stay with you till the morning comes." His smile is genuine and warm. A familiar heat starts smoldering in his eyes and he whispers "Then may I take advantage of my time with you, my darling?" I respond with a kiss and a smile. Our hearts are connected, beating in unison once more. I feel his body responding to mine as he lavishes affection on me. Hesitating for a moment, he looks down on me and whispers "I am forgiven then?" Kissing him, I respond "Completely forgiven, my love. Now," I smirk, "Show me exactly how penitent you are."
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