I kiss Loki on the cheek and tell him I want some time alone. "My sweet girl," he says, "are you escaping my company?"
"No, I feel like I need a bath." I say with a fake smile on my face. I leave him with another kiss on his cheek and tell him I will be with him again in an hour.
Even being with a God, I can't manage my depression...
I slip into my private bathroom off of the main bedroom I have to myself. It's a beautiful room with solid marble counters and floors. An old-fashioned pearly white tub with claws, big enough for three, is placed by the south wall with all of my fine soaps Loki has gotten me from his best merchants. Next to the sink are my perfumes, from Midgard and Asgard, along with a couple other fine soaps.
I walk towards the sink and look into the mirror. As I'm picking apart my appearance, I notice my very sad green-hazel eyes. They just scream "help..." My long auburn hair flows past my shoulders and lays on my breasts. In my cleavage is a very beautiful rose gold necklace with the most beautiful Emerald I have ever seen. It was an anniversary gift. Loki was so happy we've been together a whole month. It's been seven and he hopes we last eternity...
My dress is thin cotton because of the summer heat and matches the colors of my lover's Asgardian armor. No bra though, Loki prefers it that way. I reach down and start to remove my dress so that I can take a bath. Walking over to the tub, removing the dress in the process, I realize that I'm going to hurt what Loki loves the most. Sitting in the tub, I turn the water on just hot enough to keep me warm but just cold enough to offset the warm breath of summer.
I grab the sage and lemon scented bath soap and pour it in with the running water to surround my self in a beautiful and calming scent. One more drop and the water will overflow... There. Lying back, I breath in the scent of my favorite soap. I look to my left to the shelf with the towels sitting on them, green towels of course. I reach out and open the single drawer and take out a razor blade. Quietly gazing at the razor, thinking so many things, but the best reason I come up with to self harm is that it gives me peace of mind. I like to think cutting my ivory skin relieved the tension because it helps me feel better. I hold the sharp blade to the inside of my elbow and-
"My love, I could not stand being -" He takes everything in, looking at me with pleasure first and then absolute rage when I notice he's looking at my elbow. "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?!"
He walks over to me angrily and kneels beside the bath tub, reaches for the razor and throws it across the room. "Why would you do such a thing?! Did I do something wrong? Do I not make you happy??"
His eyes are burning with rage and genuine concern. I start to cry...
Loki grabs my chin and forces me to look him in the eye and says "Explain yourself, now".
I can't find my voice. What do I say to such a beautiful man like him?
"It helps me -"
"CUTTING YOUR FLESH DOES NOT HELP ANYTHING!" He sighs and looks down at the soapy water. "You are damaging the most precious thing to me... He stands and turns his back to me, walks over to the window and stares at the clouds. "Is it me?" he asks.
I look at him longingly, wanting to touch him. "No, Loki. You did not do anything to upset me."
"Then why did I see you hold a blade to your arm?"
How do I tell him? "My father's brother... He..." Loki turns around to walk towards me and kneels by the tub again.
"Did he molest you? This uncle?"
"Yes... When I was seven..." He hushes me with a finger to my lips.
"You want to release your pain of the memories this man gave you."
