For Me Love Is Confusing

Chapter Four:Doubts of own

Mili sat on her bed, thoughts racing. "I think I should tell Paul everything about Ishan, but how? I don't have the words to explain our affinity. All these thoughts make me feel so unrealistic. I'm not like this. But will he believe me or not? Will he think I'm betraying him? Who knows, actually!"

She shook her head, trying to dispel the doubts. "Whatever, I know who I am. If he can't understand or trust me, then it's okay. It's not my problem. But I'll do my responsibilities."

The next morning, Mili decided to call her boyfriend. She needed to tell him everything because she was a loyal person. "Yeah, but the past is the past. I can't change that at all," she thought, waiting for Paul to pick up.

But he didn't answer, and it made her even more upset. Finally, her phone rang.

"Hey honey, are you okay? Where have you been these days? No calls, no messages," Paul asked, his voice filled with concern.

"Yes, dear, I'm okay," Mili replied, though inside she felt anything but. She took a deep breath, determined to be honest. "Hey, listen, I want to tell you something."

"Yeah, say."

"Actually, my friend came from abroad a few days ago, so I went to meet him. Are you unsatisfied with this?"

"Oh, really? Take it easy. I'm definitely okay with this. If he is your friend, then it's okay. Since when is he your friend, Mili?"

"From early childhood," she said, sensing a bit of curiosity in Paul's voice.

With a slightly tense tone, he said, "Mili, please explain. I want to know about him. Why didn't you tell me about him before?"

"Okay, okay, relax. I'm telling you. Actually, he is my childhood best friend and my idol too. I didn't tell you before because I didn't think it was necessary."

"Okay, I want to know everything about your childhood. So tell me."

"Yes, I will. But not now. I have some work to finish first."

"What kind of work do you have, actually?"

"I have to clean my room and cupboard. It's so messy."

Paul laughed. "You are so lazy, you know, like a panda."

"Paul, shut up. Don't laugh at me."

"Okay, okay, clean your room. I'm going to office. Love you, honey."

"Okay then, bye. I love you too, dear. Bye." Mili cut the call.

Suddenly, she heard a voice. "What, what? Are you sure you love him?" Mili turned, shocked to see Lily standing there.

"Lily, you scared me!"

Lily smirked. "Oh, my poor girl, why are you lying? I'm sure you don't love him. He's just your best friend, like me."

"Yeah, according to you. But I'm committed to him. And look at him! He's such a wonderful guy. He cares so much for me. I'm just obsessed. The most important thing is that he's so, so, so loyal to me."

"Yeah, according to you," Lily teased.

"Shut up, Lily. Don't say things like that."

Lily held up her hands. "Okay, I understand. It's your life, so make your decisions."

Mili sighed. "Sorry, sorry. Please."

"Sorry, but why?" Lily asked, amused.

"Because now you're my snuffy dearest friend," Mili said, smiling.

Lily smiled back. "Yes, I know."

Suddenly, Mili remembered her mock test on Sunday. "I have only two days for preparation. Lily, now you can go. I have to complete my work. Just look at my room, it's a mess."

"Yeah, yeah, do your work. I'm going to eat," Lily said, finally leaving.

Mili felt a bit more relaxed, but her mind was still in turmoil. "Am I really trying to hide Ishan from Paul, or is it something else? Why am I doing this? I don't have any answers. Take it easy, Mili. Ishan is just your idol. Everything has changed now. Maybe he's not the same anymore. But in my memories, he is everything."

She sighed, thinking about her past. "I don't want to hide anything about him. Those memories are hidden in a special corner. Not hidden, actually, they are a beautiful part of my life. My childhood with him."

As she began cleaning her room, Mili couldn't help but let her thoughts drift back to those cherished memories. She remembered the times Ishan had taken her stargazing, the way he had scolded her for her own good, and the tender moments that had shaped her childhood.

She paused, looking out of the window. "Ishan, you were always so confusing, so complex. But you were also the one who cared for me deeply. Why did you leave? And why am I still so affected by your return?"

Her phone buzzed again, breaking her reverie. It was a message from Paul: "Have a great day, honey. Can't wait to hear more about your childhood adventures. Love you!"

Mili smiled softly, appreciating Paul's patience and understanding. But as she resumed her cleaning, she knew she had to confront her feelings about Ishan. Whether she was ready or not, the past was resurfacing, and she needed to find a way to reconcile it with her present.

Later that evening, as she sat with her textbooks, preparing for the mock test, her mind kept wandering back to Ishan. She picked up her phone, contemplating calling him to clear the air, to understand what he really wanted from her now. But she hesitated, unsure if she was ready for that conversation.

Lily popped her head into the room. "Hey, how's the studying going?"

"Slowly," Mili admitted. "My mind is all over the place."

Lily walked in and sat beside her. "I get it. But remember, you don't have to figure it all out today. Focus on one thing at a time. Right now, that's your test."

Mili nodded, grateful for Lily's wisdom. "Thanks, Lily. I don't know what I'd do without you."

Lily smiled. "You'd do just fine. You're stronger than you think, Mili."

As Mili returned to her studies, she felt a renewed determination. She would face her feelings, talk to Ishan when the time was right, and be honest with Paul. She owed it to herself and to them. The past was a part of her, but it didn't have to dictate her future.

For now, she would focus on her present, starting with acing that mock test. The rest, she decided, would have to wait.