The heartbeats

Chapter 4

>Abbie:

Since I knew about Christian and Jane I had several panic attacks, I think it's my anxiety that resurfaced. I told Ian, before leaving him in front of the pool last night, to come see me in the morning, to talk about the details of our deal. And it's 10 a.m. and he's not awake yet. So I go down to the kitchen to make myself a good cup of tea.
"Hello, butterfly" he takes me in his arms from behind,
"let go of me, there is no one here Ian" I try to escape, but he is much stronger than me,
"yes, but they can happen at any time" he whispers with a sleepy voice, I feel his breathing in my neck, which gives me goose bumps. He lets me go to prepare his breakfast.
"Finish and join me" I say as I leave the kitchen, which has a beautiful view of the terrace.
"Hi Abbie, how are you?" Asks me Ethan, Ian's best friend, when entering the kitchen,
"Hi, I'm fine thank you for asking" I answer him.

A few minutes later, Ian joins me in my room. I'm lying in my bed, my book in my hands. He wears grey sweatpants, my fucking favorites, with a white t-shirt. He closes the door behind him. I get up leaving my book on the bed and go outside.
"So," I start, "we don't tell anyone about this deal" I add.
"I agree with that".
But why am I so stressed? He adds,
"our comedy must be convincing my pretty little butterfly—"
"Our deal will only last until the end of the school year, so 5 months" I interrupt him.
"Perfect, it's the time I need to make her completely jealous" he grins and I expire.
We spend about an hour talking about banal things about ourselves. We do not go into the deep details of our lives, only the necessary to be able to spend these 5 months together. In the end, he doesn't need to know everything about me.

I'm getting ready to go to a party that Laura, my friend, and Lili forced me to go after a long argument of no I don't want to go and yes you have to go. I have a heart ache, my breathing slows down. I can hear the beating of my heart. I rush to my medications that I take in this situation and I swallow a pill. I finish getting ready and I leave my room. I find Ian directly in front of my face. He steps back and then rolls his eyes after looking at me up and down. He lets me go down the stairs alone, passing in front of me, with high heels. To be honest, I don't need his help, I do rather well in heels. James, Laura's boyfriend, joins me in the kitchen,
"don't forget sweetheart, alcohol is not good for your health, don't drink tonight okay?"
It's an order more than a question, but I nod my head anyway while continuing to drink my glass of water, he places his hand on my shoulder, smiles at me with a kind smile and then he joins his girlfriend and I join Lili who is sitting in my car. I'm the only one of us who doesn't drink this evening so I'm the one who will drive.

We arrive at our destination, I let Lili get off near the entrance and then park the car. I'm moving towards Ian who is standing at the entrance smoking. But he does it on purpose or what?
"We're going to go in together," he told me, turning his head to exhale smoking his cigarette.
And before I have time to answer him, he grabs my hand and crosses our fingers,
"you're mine tonight, butterfly".
We enter, each of us puts a false smile on his face before joining the others. All eyes are on us, once we have found them.
"What the fuck?" Lili screams while staring at our hands "we'll talk about this later, my dear",
"Okay Lili, as you wish" I give off a kind and simple little laugh.
Christian and Jane look at us surprised. I have never seen Christian surprised so much. He grabs my hand aggressively and pulls me. Ian puts his hand on Christian's shoulder even more aggressive than him, "where do you think you're going like that with my girl?" by fixing him directly in the eyes.
Christian panics and lets go of my arm. We can say that Ian's look is quite scary.
"You never catch her like that again, is that clear?" He continues with an authoritarian tone.
Christian goes to the bar while rolling his eyes.

We've been here for about an hour, and I'm bored to death. I only drink water because no one allows me to drink. I think this is the first time I've been drinking so much water. I watch them dance, because I can't dance too. I remember my parents, our famous night that was supposed to be the best of my life. I go to the bathroom, to empty my bladder and when I go out, I meet Jane. She hits my left shoulder with all her strength as she passes in front of me. What a whore! The same pain I felt when I woke up in the hospital hit me again, grabbing my chest, and my heart. My breathing is accelerating, I don't know if it's because of my anxiety or because of the pain. Instantly, I place my hand on my heart and I crouch down.
"Stand up. I'll take you home," I do what he tells me but I can barely get up.
He places one hand under my knees and the other behind my back. He carries me. I rest my head on Ian's shoulder, leaving my hand on my chest. I close my eyes and let the pain take hold of my body slowly. He puts me in the passenger seat next to the driver, and puts on my belt.
"And my car?" I ask, with my broken voice and a quick breathing,
"I will look for it after," he answers me coldly. Throughout our return, none of us speaks.
I didn't have time to get out of the car that I see it disappear in the dark. What a motherfucker. He doesn't even help me get to my room, so I take my time going up the stairs. Once, I go beyond the door of the room, I take my meds first. When I'm better, I take a good hot shower and go to bed.

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