The Berserker

Chapter 33

Michael shifted nervously, taking a seat in the recently vacated chair. It had been Nathaniel's spot until he cited needing to use the washroom; he was standing outside the door. Of that, I was sure.

"So." Michael gave a small smile. "You're fully recovered."

I tossed a pair of balled up socks into the duffle bag, sparing him a quick glance. "What do you need?" I wasn't ready for pleasantries with him. Our relationship was testy at best, and it was still odd to me how much he had helped during my recovery. "Do I need to sign an NDA or something? Don't worry. Chelsea and Maya won't hear a word about this, let alone anyone else."

"No. That's not why I'm here... Although they'll be disappointed to not say goodbye to you."

The grief in Michael's voice made me pause. I looked at him, my father, noticing how much he had aged. Dove had said it had taken a toll on him, and I believed her now. Some part of me had refused to allow that this man who let me be taken, gave up on me to start a new family, and all but forgot my mother actually loved me.

The reminder of a past he seemed adamant about forgetting.

"Do you ..." I leaned on the bed putting the packing aside. "Do you regret saving me? Or do you regret mom and me?"

"Never," Michael said instantly. "Atla, you and your mom are the greatest blessings I could have asked for." He stood reaching for my hand, but I pulled away. "The day we lost you, we both lost a part of ourselves. I - I failed your mother as a husband. And I failed you, believing that you couldn't have been alive after so long."

"So why just ignore it?" I regarded him sharply. "I get that a child is unlikely to survive. Believe me, I do." Diamond flashed into my mind then, my beautiful girl, having survived much longer than other kids born around her time. It was only because of that deal that she stayed alive so long. I had Peyton - my chest constricted painfully at the thought of him. Inhaling sharply, I spoke through the lump in my throat. "As soon as I was back, you tried to force me into your family. My mother was nothing but taboo in that house. Why?"

Michael dragged a weary hand over his face. A face that bore so many of my traits. "Because it hurts... it hurts to think about her. How she changed... how we changed..." Michael cleared his throat, eyes shining with unshed tears. "And I miss her... so much." His voice cracked as he continued, "But I thought I had to be strong for you. Help you adjust to this life, be the father you needed. In the end, I failed that too."

My eyes burned with relief and sadness, knowing that my mother was not forgotten. Perhaps, some part of me believed that she should never had given birth to me, that she and I were just mistakes to my father. Now, I see that we judged each other incorrectly initially which set the ball in motion for so many other misunderstandings.

"Can we ... can we start over?"

I stared at him, recognizing the pain in his warm brown eyes. Stay, was what Michael was asking. A second chance for Michael to be a father to me, and a chance for me to live with a family. Nicky's dead body, Peyton's crazed eyes, and Blake's cries flashed through my mind. Cedric town was full of them in one way or another, including other earlier unpleasant memories.

"I'll keep in touch occasionally," I replied, finishing off the last of the packing. "This place... has too many bad memories. I need ... time." Regarding him steadily, I added, "To forgive you."

My father nodded sagely, not surprised, standing up. "I understand. I am sorry for failing you, Atla. I wish I had been a better father."

My chest squeezed painfully again. I wished the same yet saying that would hurt too. Maybe someday I'd come to understand his side more, enough to forgive him. Today was not that day. Michael left with a faint "I love you" that stabbed a burning hot blade in my ribs. Gripping the sheets, I tried to remember how to breathe, but everything was coming in too fast.