Estella's Heart

NINE

"Believe it or not I still have everything you sent to me when you first left" Estella told Caspian while pulling out one of the specially marked boxes from her closet.

"You kept all of them?" He asked while taking the box from her, surprise evident in his voice.

"Yeah, the last thing I wanted to do was throw any of it away, there's even pictures in there from when we were kids" Estella dumped all the contents from one of the box out on the bed between them.

  Caspian sat there and looked through all of the contents from both boxes, everything from post cards to horribly drawn pictures, even old candy wrappings.

"You even kept these?" He asked laughing holding onto the wrapper of some of the candy he had sent her from back home.

"Yeah they were really good and I wanted to find them myself one day, I just never got around to searching the internet for them" she laughed.

"Well maybe one day we can take a trip to my home town together and I'll buy you as many as you want" Caspian said looking her in the eyes.

"I like the sound of that" Estella smiled.

   She was glad Caspian was keeping his word about not doing anything she wasn't ready for or wanted to do. They had only been alone for less than 20 minutes but after she calmed down the atmosphere felt peaceful around them, there was no raging emotions, or hormones, not even a tad bit of worry. She felt completely at ease, it was almost like old times.

"You know, this morning when I broke up with Noah he accused me of leaving him for someone else. He thought I was breaking up with him for you... I kind of realized this morning when I was alone and thought about it I was really just using him. Like some kind of place holder or replacement for you, if I'm being honest I don't think I really ever got over you leaving" she told him looking down at a picture of them together from third grade.

Caspian sat and listened to her quietly, not interrupting and giving her a chance to fully express herself without the shackles of a relationship or others feelings holding her back.

"I was lonely and didn't want to date but I made an exception for him. Tay told me I shouldn't do it, not until I'm ready to actually be with someone and I'm not just coping or settling. I feel bad because I really just used him... and he was a great guy but I might have ruined that. I tried to make him out to be you and it just didn't work, then when you came back everything in me that I had tried to suppress and wall that I built up came crashing down. I was just lost and didn't know what to do. I'm sorry if I have made you feel any type of way or anything throughout this short time, those were never my intentions" she confessed.

It felt good to get all of that off her chest, she felt lighter and free. Holding that in all this time had made her feel heavy and stressed but letting it go and releasing those emotions was relieving.

"Well first thing I'm going to say is, you didn't make me feel anything bad, and I didn't take offense to anything that happened. I was gone for years and you hadn't even heard from me, we can't control our emotions but you coped the best way you knew how. I don't blame you for that, was I shocked when I came back and seen you had a boyfriend that looked like a cheap knock off version of me? Yes, but I was offended mainly because you had a boyfriend and I was jealous. I had hoped you'd wait for me but I know that was kind of unrealistic."

Caspian stopped for a moment to inspect the girl lying across from him, this was their real first private heart to heart and being truthful. He loved it.

"I just want you to know since we're alone and I can be honest with you, I've never gotten over you Estella. I'm love with you, I'm not going to lie about it or try to hide it. I've loved you since we were kids and I still do now, you're my person and I don't want anyone but you. My parents always believed in soulmates, they taught me to believe in them too and I know you're mine. There's no one like you, I went back home and out of all the girls there and other beautiful women you were the only one constantly on my mind."