The Madness Of Love | The Secret History

XXIX

I fell into a tormented half-dreaming state from which I woke to a soft knock. The door creaked open, Francis slipped in and closed the door behind him. He pulled a chair over to my bed.

"I've got to talk to you." he said. "Something odd has happened."
"What is it?"
"Lilith has moved. She's moved out of the apartment. All her things are gone. She left a note that she's living at the Albemarle Inn and asked me not to say it to anyone. Can you imagine? The Albemarle?"

I rubbed my eyes, trying to collect my thoughts. "The Albemarle?" I asked, still sleepy.
"Yes," said Francis rapidly. "do you have any idea how expensive it is?"
"Of course I do." I said irritably. The Albemarle was the nicest inn in town.

Francis put his head in his hands. "Richard," he said, "you're dense. How about two hundred dollars a night? Do you think Lilith has that kind of money? Who the hell do you think is paying for it?"
I stared at him.

"Henry, that's who." said Francis. "He came over when I was out and moved her there. I came home and her things were gone. Can you imagine? Henry won't tell me anything."
"What's the big deal? Why are they making such a secret of it?" I asked. I thought it was obvious to everyone they were together.

"I don't know. I don't know Lilith's side but I think Henry is being very foolish."

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After Francis left I fell asleep again. I got up and stuck my head out the window and looked at the playground. The most striking object in the playground was without question the giant snail. The chill air was so refreshing that I decided to go for a walk.

When walking past the snail, I heard snoring coming out of it. It was Charles.
"What are you doing here?" I said after I woke him up. He sneezed. "I was depressed. I thought if I slept here it might make me feel better."
"Did it?"
"No."

He looked sick and I decided to bring him back up to my room. I was not in terrific shape myself and had a hard time hauling him up the stairs. Finally I reached my room and deposited him on my bed.

Charles didn't get better, so I took Judy's car and drove him to the hospital. A week passed, but the doctors still couldn't figure out what was wrong with him. They'd tried two antibiotics over the course of the well, but the infection didn't respond.

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About ten o'clock on Friday, after another sleepless night, I took another walk. I was supposed to meet Francis at eleven-thirty, so I had a bunch of time.

I turned down Water Street, which ran north past Henry's house, and as I approached I saw a dark shadow in the back of his garden. No, I thought.

But it was. He was on his knees with a pail of water, and a cloth, and as I drew nearer I saw that he was washing the rosebush. He was bent over it, polishing the leaves with meticulous care, like some crazy gardener.

I let myself in through the back gate. "Henry," I said. "What are you doing?"
He glanced up, calmly, not at all surprised. "Spider mites. We've had a damp spring." He dropped the cloth in the pail.

I noted how well he looked, how his stiff manner had relaxed into a more natural one. I had never thought Henry handsome, but now, less rigid and locked up in his movements, he had a sure swiftness and ease. I never told this to anyone, but I thought it was Lilith that was making him better and more relaxed.

I said: "Is Lilith here?"
There was no trace of emotion upon his face, he only turned his head a little to the door of the house and at that moment Lilith came out. She was looking much better then the past month, though still pale. She wore a long, white summer dress and was barefoot.

As she came down the stairs Henry didn't move his eyes away from her, a small smile on his lips. It was shocking to see him look at her with such intimacy. Pluto and Persephone. Hamlet and Ophelia. I looked at Henry's back, prim as a parson's, tried to imagine the two of them together.

Lilith came closer to us and put one hand on Henry's shoulder, as he was still kneeling near the rosebush. "Hello, Richard." she said, also without any surprise. I was glad she was better.

"I'm sorry," Henry interrupted my thoughts. "but would you mind handing me those shears?" There was a long silence. They both stared at me. Finally, Lilith reached over and got the shears.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I had a hard time keeping my voice down. "Why do you have to make things so hard for everybody?" He didn't turn around. I slightly pushed Lilith over and grabbed the shears from Henry's hand. Henry immediately stood up, pulled Lilith closer by her waist and stared at me. "Answer me." I said.

Finally, he said, quietly: "Tell me. You don't feel a great deal of emotion for other people, do you?" I was taken aback. "Of course I do."
"Do you?" he raised his eyebrows. "I don't think so. I don't, either. Neither does Lilith."
"What are you trying to get at?"

He shrugged. "Nothing. Except that my life has been very stable and colourless. Dead, I mean. I felt dead in everything I did. But then it changed, the night I killed that man. It enabled me to do what I've always wanted most."

"Which is?' I said.
"To live without thinking. Before, I was paralyzed. It was because I thought too much, lived too much in the mind."
"And now?"
"Now I can do anything that I want. And I think we all," he looked fondly at Lilith. "have experienced something similar." I didn't say anything.

Henry kneeled again, assessing the balance of his rosebush. "There," he said at last. "Does that look alright? Or do I need to open it up more in the middle?"
"Henry," I said. "Listen to me." But neither Henry nor Lilith paid any attention to me. 
"It looks great, darling." Lilith said to Henry, smiling.

"I don't want to take off too much," Henry said vaguely not even looking at me. "I should have done this a month ago."
"Henry, Lilith. Please." I was on the verge of tears. "What's the matter with you? Have you lost your mind?"

Henry stood up, dusted his hands on his trousers and took Lilith's hand. "We have to go in the house now." he said, emotionless. Lilith, apparently, was more fond of me than him, but still only glanced at me sadly while waking away.

At last, I thought they were going to turn and say something, goodbye, anything. But they didn't. Henry went inside and Lilith behind him. But before closing the door behind her, she mouthed 'goodbye' at me. It was good enough.

Love you x
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