The Madness Of Love | The Secret History

XXXI

Charles was released from the hospital the following day. His cheeks were sunken; he'd lost a lot of weight and needed a haircut. We didn't tell him what happened.

It was a beautiful night, full moon, the meadow like silver. I hurried across the lawn to the library, where the lights of the all-night study room burned clear and bright.

Then, through the window, I saw two dark figures, both in black suits. It was Henry and Lilith. Books were piled in front of them but they weren't working. Lilith looked as sad as he did and while he was sitting with a blank face she was whispering something into his ear. It didn't seem to make much difference though.

I closed the door. "Henry," I said. "Lilith. It's me." Lilith glanced at me but Henry didn't turn his head. "We got back from Julian's house." he said, in a monotone. I sat down. "And?"
"The place is shut up. He's gone." There was a long silence.

"I find it very hard to believe he's done this, you know." The light glinted off his spectacles, his face was deadly pale and the eyes red. "It's just such a cowardly thing to have done. That's why he left, you know."

"I know, Henry." said Lilith, quietly, held his hand and kissed his cheek. He didn't even look at her but brought her hand closer. He took off his glasses with his free hand. I never could get used to seeing him without them, that vulnerable look he always had.

"He's a coward." he said. "In our circumstance, he would've done exactly what we did." I didn't say anything.
"He doesn't even care that Bunny's dead. I could forgive him if he did, but he wouldn't care if we'd killed half a dozen people. All he cares about is to keep his own name out of it. He said it last night when I went to see him."

"You talked to him?"
"Yes. It's nothing but cowardice. Running away like this." Even after all that had happened, the bitterness and disappointment in his voice cut me to the heart.

"Henry," Lilith said. It seemed that she wanted to say something to make him feel better, but she couldn't think of anything good enough. He turned his blind, unseeing eyes upon her.

"I loved him more than my own father." he said. "I loved him more than almost everything in the world." Henry slowly put his head on Lilith's shoulder and she kissed his forehead. It was the first and last time I saw him this vulnerable.
"Oh, Henry," said Lilith and then we sat there, not talking, for a very long time. 

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The next afternoon at three, I went to meet the new teacher. Camilla was there, and Francis, sitting next to Lilith, both looking pretty uncomfortable; and Henry, standing by the window and trying to ignore the stranger.

The teacher was round-faced, in turtleneck and jeans. "Welcome," he said, leaning to shake my hand. "My name is Dick Spence. Yours?"
It was a nightmarish hour. He started by handing out a page from the New Testament, saying, "Of course I don't expect you to pick up the finer points, if you can get the sense, it's okay with me."

His tone graduated into surprise ("Well! Rather advanced, for undergraduates!) and ultimately, embarrassment. Henry's look of contempt was indescribable. For the whole hour, Lilith stared at the wall with a blank stare while smoking cigarettes, which the teacher pretended not to notice.

There are only a couple of chapters of this book left, but I don't want to stop writing after it, so I would appreciate suggestions for my next book (preferably something with "The Secret History" or "If We Were Villains").

Love you x
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