Good Enough - Luke Hemmings

long af note

(shit capitalization on purpose)

this is super late, I literally wrote this over a year after finishing the book, but I wanted to say:

hey fam thanks for reading my shitty book xx lots of love

okay but also it makes me really angry because I feel like people give jamie (the character, not me) a really hard time just because her panties don't drop as soon as she meets Luke? like I don't know how many of you have actually experienced depression but she isn't out looking for love. she wants to die. so, clearly, whenever he says something cute she isn't just going to jump into his arms and demand him to make sweet hot love to her because that isn't how life works. she has other things on her mind. it makes me really angry when people yell at her in the comments about not melting at the sight of luke.

and I don't know, maybe it's because I was strongly attached to this character. But she was trying really hard to stay away from this boy (well idk about that) and she didn't want to become attached to him, hence her constantly denying him. she was well aware of her later plans to die the entire book, but she was afraid and therefore procrastinating because no matter how much you want to die, it's scary. so, wow, so sorry that she wasn't all over luke. but you know he isn't luke hemmings, lead singer of world famous band 5sos in this book, right? he's just some normal lad working in the dress department of some clothing shop.

then once he leaves her alone, she realizes how much she really does care for him. she realizes how badly she fucked up (although honestly this story was written like shit because I'm bad at details) and she goes to talk to him. She was going to apologize, but then the manager is like "oh yeah he's with this other girl right now." So of course she's betrayed. she isn't going to believe anything he says. have you ever really cared about a person and while you thought they cared too, they were talking to other people? because that fucking stings.

also, the point of this story was in no way to romanticize suicide or depression or self-harm. I suppose maybe I fucked up somewhere along the way, but the whole point was to say that just because you don't love yourself doesn't mean that no one else does or will. just because you're broken doesn't mean you can't be fixed. It was supposed to be about hope. I was in a dark place when I wrote this, and I wanted other people to realize that they weren't alone. You are understood.

however, having someone else love you does not exempt you from the mission of learning to love yourself. you shouldn't be focused on finding your other half, you should be focused on becoming a whole. Your value doesn't depend on someone else's ability to recognize it. If flowers can be beautiful simply by existing, then so can you.

And honestly, i don't really know how to make feel better when they're sad. The truth is, life sucks sometimes. But you have to keep going because in a few years, you're going to look back and be so happy that you didn't give up. You need to be nicer to yourself, okay? because it's hard as hell to be happy when someone's being mean to you all the time. In case no one told you today, you are good enough. And not because someone's telling you: me saying it has no effect on who you are as a person. I am simply recognizing it in the same way I recognize that the earth is round and the sun in shining. You are wonderful.

okay thanks, guys. I love you. xx

the original jamie ♥