Everybody Hurts

Chapter 23

 Sam pulled off into the grass in front of Eddie's uncle's trailer. The small driveway was already filled to capacity with the monstrous truck and the oversized van. Her eyes roamed over the small dwelling with trepidation, wondering once again why in the hell she'd agreed to this, why she was the one who was coming to talk to him. Anyone else had to be a better option than her.

They'd only known each other a little over a month. Eddie clearly didn't trust her yet, at least not completely. He definitely didn't trust her enough to tell her what was haunting him night after night. What would make any of them think that he would be open to spilling his innermost thoughts and fears with her? What could possibly make them believe that she would be the one to get through to him?

Her arms came to rest on top of the steering wheel, forehead pressed against them as she tried to muster up enough courage to get out of the damn car. Because the minute she did so, the moment they came face-to-face, Eddie was presented with the opportunity to end things, to tell her it was over. If she just stayed in the safety of this car, this little car that he'd so sweetly fixed up for her, then she could stay ignorant. If he didn't get the chance to end things, then they remained in limbo.

And Sam was convinced that was exactly what he would do if given the chance. How many times had he reiterated that the two of them were a bad idea? He was going to run from her as fast and as far as he could, convinced that he didn't deserve this, didn't earn the right to be happy, that he was doomed for the rest of his life because of circumstances beyond his control. How would she ever get him to see how wrong he was? What could she say or do to show him how very much he not only deserved happiness, but the entire world?

In such a short time, Eddie had elicited feelings within her, feelings that were stronger and deeper than anything she'd ever felt before. A veritable roller coaster of intense emotions that came out of nowhere and swept her off her feet. It was a wild ride, one she couldn't stop whether she wanted to or not. If you would have asked Sam a few months ago if it was possible to fall in love with someone in just a few weeks, she would have laughed in your face but here she was, completely head over heels.

And that was the problem, that was why she couldn't bring herself to get out of this car. Because, ridiculous though it may be, she was already in too deep. The waves were crashing over her head, Sam didn't know up from down, swirling in the mass of darkness that was Eddie. The very thought of him ending things, of never looking into those whiskey depths she wanted to drown in, of never running her fingers through those delicious waves, of never being held in those deceivingly strong arms, knocked the wind right out of her. Sam had already suffered one heartbreak and she'd survived. But she wasn't sure if she would make it through losing Eddie.

How could losing a relationship that lasted thirteen years possibly hurt less than one that had been going on for a few weeks? Sam didn't know. There wasn't a single rational explanation for it. She could never put it into words because she didn't understand it herself but there it was. Losing Eddie would hurt worse than losing Cam ever had and whether it was crazy or not, it was the truth.

Jesus Christ. What was she going to do? What was she going to say? Sam had been racking her brain the entire ride over here, trying to think up some magic words that would make Eddie see how wrong he was, how wrong this town was. A guy like him didn't belong in a small town like this, where the people were small-minded, ignorant, set in their antiquated ways of thinking. It wasn't his fault that he was surrounded by people who couldn't look beyond clothes and hair to see the good person underneath it all.

He wasn't a monster. Eddie Munson was the farthest thing from a monster you could find. He was soft, sweet, nerdy, empathetic, and thoughtful. He put on this armor that was him being a jerk to try to protect himself but that's all it was, just a thin shell he used to keep people out. Underneath all of that, he was just a little boy that wanted to be loved, that wanted to matter, that wanted acceptance. Was that really such an awful thing to want?