Will of the Fallen (Levi x OC)

Chapter 42: The Last Ten

⚠️ Warning ⚠️: Very detailed imagery of death. You have been warned.

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Levi and I sat in the silence of the room, listening to birds sing outside the house like nothing was amiss. One could say I was envious of their carefree chirping, and the life that they lived. Birds could fly away from their problems and keep going for as long as they wanted.

I had to stay. Burdened by the earthly chains that bound me to the world below. One so riddled with corruption and violence that I was sure the only thing keeping me sane was the trembling man next to me.

He hadn't shed a tear, but his body was portraying everything he felt on the inside. Levi was exhausted, defeated, and just as lost as any of us were. Where would we take things from here, now that Erwin is gone? What was the right way forward?

I shifted, and so did Levi. It was as though he was trying to get closer to me, and all I could do was squeeze his hand in reassurance.

Something inside me wished he wasn't as close as he was, and that confused me to no end. Why did I feel betrayed? Why did I want to know why he chose Armin? Why was it so hard for me to get over this, when I saw it coming?

Shouldn't I be relieved that Armin is alive? Shouldn't I be relieved that Erwin is no longer fighting this seemingly endless battle of despair?

Before I could stop myself the words poured from my lips. "Levi. Why did you choose Armin, when you were set on picking Erwin?"

He pulled away slowly, but I knew that my words had raked venomous claws down his back. He tensed, and in reaction my muscles also coiled up in nervousness. I didn't know what to expect from him. In what way would he react to that question?

It would be easy to pin the blame for my feelings, on my exhaustion, but we were all tired; so, I couldn't make that excuse. Maybe I was feeling guilty and needed a way to understand what had happened to us, but that still wasn't an excuse for me to feel betrayed. I did this to all of us.

I was incompetent, and sloppy. Because of that, we lost Erwin. I was the one to blame. I had no right to feel even a shred of betrayal. Levi only did what he could in that moment. I had no right to even feel angry.

I stared at the man next to me quietly, watching as his eyebrows swooped to meet, and his throat bobbed when he swallowed. "I... chose him because... because of the future." He choked, eyes refusing to meet mine.

Levi's avoidance did nothing to quell the turbulent fire fanning itself in my chest. So, I put myself on my knees and moved until I was in front of him.

There was more that he wanted to say, so why wasn't he saying it?

My hands cupped his porcelain cheeks and tilted his head up until our eyes met in a painful collision. There was nothing I could decipher in his eyes. It was like looking out onto a completely dormant lake without so much as a gust of wind, or a bird to carry a tune across its broad surface.

Levi wasn't okay, and neither was I, but we were in the same boat together. Trapped in a painful onslaught of grief.

"Both of them could have been the future. What made you choose Armin instead?" I reiterated. Still it felt as though I was aiming poison laced daggers at his heart, but I just couldn't help it.

Levi stared at me, looking for a solution like a cat calculating a big jump. When he found one, a small light appeared in his gaze that made me feel just a bit better. "I chose that damn brat... because of that night in the alley. What they - he - said... it... it... damn it!" He scowled and threw his hands into his lap furiously.