A Broken Blank

Chapter Twelve: Being Nice

{Michael's p.o.v} 

      I turned off my phone when Bella said she had to study. I really was unsure about this whole date thing. Yes she was amazing, pretty cute, and sarcastic. Also emo enough so I didn't seem like the weird one all the time. I just really hated people. It wasn't on purpose I just always found a reason to dislike them. There was a time, before she died that I liked people. I had friends and I didn't have such a short fuse. But time ticked and people changed, not in a good way in away I found highly distasteful. 

       Unable to sleep as usual I decided to write some lyrics .Takeing out the black leather book I had written in ever since she was gone and a pen I began to doddle till words came to me. I usually wrote to help get the thoughts and voices out of my head. The lyrics usually were dedicated to her, but no one needed to know that.

 When I close my eyes and try to sleepI fall apart, and find it hard to breathe 

You were the reason, the only reason 

Even though my dizzy head is numb

 I swear my mind is never letting go

 You were the reason, my only reason 

-Still not over you Michael, Miss ya sis Entry #134 

       I sign the bottom leaving a little note, the entry number and of course some fallen tears. I had written almost everyday since she died. I only have missed five days, the first three because I was to much of a wreck and then two others just happened. It's something I do out of habit. Sometimes it helps me get the feelings out but other times it brings back memories that leave me in tears. I snap the journal clasp close and set it in the dresser drawer that also holds my socks and underwear. In fact while the drawer was open I grab a pair of fresh underwear and open the drawer containing shirts finding one to sleep in. I strip of my skinny jeans and change into the fresh clothes. 

        Usually when I change into sleepwear I try to go straight to sleep. I hated my body and I hated seeing my bare pale legs covered in regretted markings. It was much to hot to wear pants to bed so it was a losing situation. So I have become pretty good at changing and then going straight to sleep. Except when I crawled into my covers today I could not sleep for the life of me. I was so anxious about tomorrow. What if I said something I didn't mean. Bella had already had many rude encounters with me, she probably didn't have the best first impression of me. In fact I only really invited her out was so she didn't think I was a total dick. Wether or not I had feelings for her yet was unclear. 

       Part of me hoped she was the one. The one that pulled me out of the dark and into the light, the one who helped me start a new chapter. The other part wanted to push away everyone I loved so that I could die, without hurting anyone except myself. I really can't think anymore. My mind had gone numb to thinking. I finally drifted to sleep seeing the clock on my bed side table reading 2:27 am. 

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       I wake up after a bad dream at 7:32. I have woken up earlier but this was earlier then I would have liked to awake. I grab my phone unhooking it from the charger feeling it vibrate alerting me I was no longer charging. I check my social medias and answer my mom's "how is college" text. After lying in bed until the clock read 8:14 in which I got out of bed more willingly then usual. I quickly threw on jeans, black and skinny of course. I wonder into the bathroom trying to avoid looking into the mirror, I wanted to have confidence and some self-esteem today. I rinse my hands and face in the cool water before grabbing the nearby hand towel that Ashton (for once) had not thrown on the ground.

       Reaching into the kitchen cabinet my hand stumbles upon a box of store brand cheerios. "Honey Nut Circles". I grab a bowl and pour about a half cup of cereal before getting the milk from the fridge pouring it in my bowl as well. I take out a spoon from the silverware drawer silently telling myself "good job, she wants you to eat". I always felt bad that most of my actions revolved around the thought of her. I sat down on the couch flicking the T.V on. 

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        Finally the time for me to get "date" ready came around. I got off the couch packing away the books I had been studying and putting my cereal bowl in the sink. I walked to the bathroom. I fixed my very faded pink hair as best I could. I put on deodorant and washed my hands, again. I had an addiction to washing my hands it was like I was washing away my guilt, all the things I touched and killed. 

      I tied the laces of my black vans and walked outside grabbing my house and car key. I sat in the car immediately turning the A.C on. I drove across campus to the park I was to meet Bella at. As I parked I saw the girl I was looking for sitting against a tree swiping her finger across her phone. As I walk closer I feel the knot in my stomach get tighter. I sit next to her And she looks up, realizing it's me she turns off her phone. We exchange hellos and I feel slightly less tense as we continue to talk.

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PLEASE READ BC IMPORTANT 

       So yea Michael has(d) a sister. Also I'm aware the lyrics are wrong you will see okay. Sorry this was a little sad.SO if you are confused Michael, Cal and Ash live "together" On campus but then Ash's parents rent out a little apartment a little off campus where the boys go for, privacy (sorry if I just made it like that and its confusing). Next chapter is like a filler but has some news and its cute yea. THIS CHAPTER WILL BE TWO PARTS, IT GOES BELLA DATE THEN THE FILLER (RENS DATE) THEN PART TWO BELLAS DATE.  Sorry shorter then it was supposed just needed to update so that why its in two....Hope you enjoyed {cliff hanger gotteem}. PARTY HARD PEEPS {stay safe}. 

P.S: ALSO I HAVE A FAN ACCOUNT @xbandingx so yea it would be cool if you all followed.