HEAVEN LEIGH TURNER

Prologue

I am running in the middle of the woods without knowing where my destination is. I want to be alone, I don't want anyone to find me right now, not my friends nor my best friend- especially not her.

I keep running not minding the drops of the rain in my skin. Ang galing naman ng timing parang dinadamayan ako ng langit, natatawa na lang ako sa naiisip ko.

Lord, ito ba ang way mo para sabihin na alam mo ang pinagdadaanan ko? Kasi kung oo, bakit mo kailangan iparanas sa akin ito? Bakit ang sakit-sakit? Gusto ko lang naman magmahal at mahalin, mahirap ba ang hinihingi ko?

Nagmahal lang naman ako, Lord.

Bumalik na naman sa akin ang sakit na naramdaman ko kanina at alam kong hindi ito madali mawala.

Everything she said still lingers in my mind.

"I'm in love with you, and I keep falling in. How about you? Do you feel the same? "I asked while smiling, hiding my nervousness.

This is it; I can't hide it anymore, and I totally admitted to myself that this beautiful creation of God captured my heart. For sure, my best friend will be proud of me for confronting this woman who made me feel an unfamiliar emotion.

She still not showing any emotions though I am used to it. Sa araw-araw ba naman naming pagkikita at pagsasama ay kabisado ko na siya. She never shows emotion not even a glimpse of her smile.

"I know this is a sudden confession, I just can't hold it anymore. I feel like I'm going to explode any minute if I won't say this to you" She's hushed that's when I felt agitated.

"Hey, say something." I said and reach her wrist and about to slide it to her hand to squeeze her palm but, she pulled her hand like I am a dirt trying to stain her. I was hurt with her action and I know she saw it in my eyes kaya yumuko ako para itago kahit alam kong huli na para roon.

"You misunderstood my actions, didn't you?" I froze the moment I heard her say that. Alam kong malamig ang boses niya pero hindi ko alam na mas may ilalamig pa pala iyon.

I slowly look up and I swear to God, I regret looking at her right now. Her eyes are emotionless, her look send needles in my heart. Hindi ako kilala ng mga tingin niya, iyon ang nakikita ko.

"I don't love you, I never did." May isasakit pa ba itong nararamdaman ko ngayon? Hindi ko na kasi ramdam ang paghinga ko. Gusto kong pigilin ang luhang gusto kumawala sa mga mata ko pero hindi ko kaya kahit huminga na ako ng malalim.

"Ano ang ibig sabihin ng mga pinakita mo sa akin? Iyong mga pinaramdam mo na alam nating pareho na labas na sa responsibilidad mo?" Tanong ko kahit parang may nakabara sa lalamunan ko.

"It means nothing to me. I am just like that sometimes to others and I didn't see it the way you do." I bit my bottom lip to stop myself from sobbing loud. Tama na self, maawa ka naman sa sarili mo.

"If you put malice on my treatments towards you then it's your fault, not mine."

Kasalanan ko pa palang mag-assume kung siya naman itong nagbigay ng motibo, kasalanan ko bang iba ang pakikitungo niya sa akin kaysa sa ibang tao? Siya itong gumulo sa tahimik kong buhay, siya itong umaakto na pagmamay-ari niya ako. So, all this time wala lang pala sa kanya ang mga iyon? Ang tanga ko pala para maniwala sa lahat ng iyon.

"Let's stay civil to each other and stop what are you feeling-" I can't take any painful word coming from her anymore baka kasi hindi ko na kayanin at mapaluhod na lang ako sa harap niya kaya bago pa man niya matapos ang sasabihin niya ay nagsalita na ako.

"I'm sorry po. Please fo-forget my confession" Nahihirapan kong sagot dahil hindi ko na mapigilan ang sunod-sunod na paglandas ng mga luha sa mata ko. Kailangan kong tanggapin na hindi niya ako gusto at hinding-hindi niya ako magugustuhan.

"I'll stay a-away from you starting t-tomorrow. I won't b-bother you a-anymore and act ci-civil like what you s-said, Sila" I look at her eyes while uttering those words and I saw unfamiliar emotion from her eyes after calling her the name I made for her. She was about to say something pero hindi ko na talaga kakayanin pa kung ano ang sasabihin niya.

"Don't s-say anything, I know you won't like me. You will n-never look a-at me the w-way I look at you b-but, I-I am thankful for being c-close to y-you, Sila. Thank y-you for letting m-me know the o-other side o-of you that others didn't see." Tears rolling down from my eyes while looking at her straight to her eyes yet I don't give a damn, all I feel right now is pain and nothing more. I know she hates getting cut from talking but, who cares? Kasalanan naman niya bakit ako nasasaktan ngayon. Oo, sinisisi ko siya dahil siya ang dahilan ng sakit na ito.

"I'm sorry if you have to witness me in this state. Aalis na rin po ako baka kasi hinahanap na po ako ng kaibigan ko" Tumalikod na ako at nagsimulang maglakad ng dahan-dahan nagbabakasakali na tawagin niya ako o hindi kaya ay pigilan pero wala, walang tumawag sa akin kahit pagpigil man lang.

I'm hurt, I'm in pain, and I don't know how to end this. Will I be okay tomorrow? Can I act like nothing happened today? Can I still look into her eyes? Can I still come near her? Will she call me again and find me if I am not around the corner?

Is it too much to ask for someone you love to love you back? Why is love so unfair? I just wanted to be beloved- by her.

_______________________

Disclaimer

This is a work of fiction.
Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. The author does not mean harm or deliver any insult to any religious groups in this story.

The scenes is this story are purely fictional and are written for dramatic purposes, they do not in whatsoever way stand as a proof for historical events.

Copyright © 2024 by KyoshiEn

All rights reserved.

This story is published subject to the condition that it shall not be reproduced or retransmitted in whole or in part, in any manner, without the written consent of the copyright holder, and any infringement of this is a violation of copyright.