BEWARE C.G.

46. Ready

The morning that Bella and Carl were set to leave there was a knock at the door. They both groaned, Bella peeking her head out from below the covers as Carl covered his face with a pillow. They ignored it, Carl wrapping an arm around Bella to bring their bodies closer. Another knock made her sigh as she realized she would have to be the one to answer it. Finally kicking herself out of the blankets, she got up, face scrunching at the pounding in her head. She was basically coming off a three day bender at this point and her whole body was exhausted. Upon peering through the peephole and seeing her father on the other side she froze. She desperately did not wish to speak to him.

She'd had a great vacation. Had so much fun with Carl and truly let all of her anxieties fade away. It had been so peaceful.

But he knocked again and she still had so much to say to the man who embarrassed her. So she took a deep breath and swung the door open. "What?"

"¿A qué hora te vas?" The man asked softly, it was the most quiet she had ever heard him speak.

"A las cuatro y media" They had a good four hours before their plane was set to leave, and she was done drinking. She wanted to sleep in. But something about the freshness in the air made her feel awake.

"Let's talk"

He took her to a small carreta that was a ways down from the hotel. He took her to that very same place once when she was three years old but he's sure she doesn't remember. At first they spoke of mundane topics-things that didn't even matter. About how excited Brooke is to start decorating the nursery. It's gonna be elephant themed with baby blue walls and curtains. The girl only sipped her (virgin) piña colada quietly-she didn't fucking ask about what color scheme the baby's new room would be.

She was about to snap at him for discussing such pointless things. Until she heard the words she had been waiting on for her whole life. "I'm sorry Bella" The man sighed deeply.

She blinked, unable to process that he actually said it. It had to be her imagination. Even if it was real. He probably didn't mean it. And he didn't say anything else, as if it were enough after all these years of pain.

Bella laughed. "You fuck some white lady and now all of a sudden you're sorry?!" She shook her head. "Fuck that"

Arturo is going to turn fifty-five this year. He is not naive by any means, he knows better than to be optimistic. He knows there is no chance of his daughter forgiving him, they can speak on that in a moment. "Im getting old" He shrugs and takes a sip of his beer, watching Bella's eyes turn glossy. No one knows, because he doesn't speak about it, but over the past year alone he had to bury six of his friends. Watch as the men he'd spent practically his whole life alongside drop like flies. Of course with the business he's involved himself in people die all the time. He does the killing, sends the men who work for him off knowing they will never return. And the closer he gets to death he wonders if he will have to pay for his crimes. There is something deep inside his brain telling him that his time will come soon. "If I die then at least I can go knowing I apologized"

"Well I don't forgive you" A stray tear rolls down her face, unnoticed. Her unruly brown hair waves in the wind as the sun shines upon her. Sunkissed and full of shame she wishes there is a time where his apology is not for his own selfishness. He is guilty, but not willing to understand how terrible he's made her feel over the years.

He nods understandably. He expected nothing less. "Sé honesto. ¿Hay algo que pueda decir para que me perdones?"
[Be honest ... Is there anything I can say to make you forgive me?]

Maybe if they had this conversation five years ago she would say yes. Hell, maybe even two-back when she still had a glimmer of innocence. But it was all gone, she didn't feel like a kid at all. She may be a teenager but she finds it almost impossible to truly have fun. To let go with other people her age and act like nothing matters. She has shut herself in for so long, her only friends are Carl and weed. But she feels too old to let things go, she has worked too hard to let herself down. Let herself down by accepting a false apology which does not deserve to be accepted. Bella has too much pride for that-she gets it from her father. So she shakes her head no, even if the man has a bullet list-one that goes point-by-point through every mistake he has ever made she will never forgive him.