is it over now? [tom blyth]

3.

"Work starts in a weeks time. You'll have to head to Dublin a few days before so you can set yourself up before filming starts. Is that okay?"

Fuck her voice was annoying.

It was the vocal equivalent to nails on a chalkboard. I couldn't believe I had put up with it for so long, having her call me multiple times a day and listen to her screeching as she told me what to do and where to be. It was practically torture at this point, but I would never tell anyone that. Don't get me wrong, I love my job. I love everything about it. Every project that I have done has been a blessing to me and something I am eternally grateful for. Just less so when she is the one telling me about it.

I nodded, muttering a "sure" before letting her rattle off all off the hour-to-hour schedule before she realised I wasn't listening and told me she would put it in an email. I thanked her for the call and hung up, placing my phone on the bedside table and diverting my attention to the blonde hair that was coming out of the bathroom.

This was the fourth time now that Alana had come round, thrice more than what I would usually allow. There was something electric about her and the way she moved was mesmerising. My eyes wouldn't depart from her as her naked body moved around the room, drying her hair and pushing her clothes into a pile with her feet.

I had found a small flat just outside of London to pass time until I went to Dublin. With only one bedroom and bathroom, a small kitchen and living room, it was just enough for one person plus whatever person I brought home. Alana had been the only one so far though, filling each room with her perfume that mirrored dragonfruit and vanilla. Her skin was soft and bare and when we were skin-to-skin, it felt like rubbing against silk.

"What was that?" she asked, starting to braid her hair. She was clothed only from the waist down, her bare chest floating in and out as she took soft breaths.

I rolled my eyes. "My manager, just rattling shit off as usual."

She hummed in response before sitting on the bed beside me and lying back on the pillows. "What is it exactly that you do, Tom?"

"I'm an actor."

She hummed again. This girl and her fucking humming, she is practically writing a song each time she talks.

Alana left within the hour, not without planting a soft, but passionate, kiss to my lips and a "see you soon" before walking out the door. The place echoed in silence, her scent hanging in the air for hours afterwards as I paced up and down the flat.

I eventually forced myself to start packing my stuff into suitcases and bags for when I went to Dublin, plodding around the room and folding each item perfectly. I found a shirt under the bed that I presumed belonged to Alana, placing it in my bag too so she had reason to come to Dublin and see me again.

It wasn't like I liked her or anything. The idea of that even being a possibility wasn't something I had considered nor wanted. Romance and relationships are all fake and always end in lies and heartbreak. No one ever found their soulmate, no one ever really found true love and happiness. All of those feelings are temporary and they always end up going away and leaving a gaping hole in your heart that will never be filled.

-

Sometimes, I am convinced that my manager doesn't even like me. This is only reaffirmed when she books me a 6am flight to Dublin, meaning I had about 4 hours sleep and an hour train just to get to the airport in time for the flight. I was going to need toothpicks to hold my eyes open soon. By the time I made it to the small unit in the outskirts of Dublin, I was exhausted and practically threw myself onto the bed, dropping my bags on the floor as I went. The bed smelt of fresh linen and was so soft, it was practically a cloud that was swallowing me whole.

I felt my phone buzz in my front pocket, prompting me to roll around on the bed to try and pry it from my front pocket. At first glance, I couldn't help the smile that formed on my face.

Alana: Hope you got to Dublin safe. Do you have my pink shirt?

Tom: Just got to my place. I do, you'll have to come here and get it x

I had no doubt she would come to Dublin. She worked from home and spent most of her time travelling around, or so I gathered from her Instagram that was full of photos at beaches in Amalfi and Greece.

By the time I had woken up the following day, she had already decided she would come to visit the following weekend. I wasn't entirely sure whether I was excited for her to come, or dreading whether she thought this was more serious than it was. Nonetheless, the plan was made, and she told me she was 'already planning outfits'.

After I realised the time and quickly scurried out of bed, in and out of the shower and into the kitchen to make a slightly over-cooked bagel, I was on my way to set. I had auditioned for this role over a year agon, not evening beginning to think I would have gotten it, yet here I was, in the back of an uber, on my way to Castlebar.

The breeze was cool as I stepped out of the heated car, thanking the driver profusely for weaving through the traffic to get me to set semi-on time. I looked around, taking in the many caravans and tents set up and found my way over to a caravan with my name on a sign on the door.

The day was going to be long, gruelling, and full of too many introductions to new people than what I could handle this early in the morning. Although, once I was united with the rest of the main cast, my nerves settled, and laughs started to echo around the makeup trailer. Alex, who was cast as the other male lead, was sat beside me. His fingers worked furiously against his phone, occasionally joining into conversation and laughing before returning to his phone. I reached my hand over, tapping him on the leg, watching his gaze shoot up to mine.

"Everything all good?"

He shrugged, placing his phone on the bench in front of him and rubbing his face with his hands. The hairdresser gently tugged on his hair back into place, causing a chuckle from herself and him.

"My girlfriend took the wrong flight to Dublin. She's asking me how to get here but I have no clue, I'm not fucking from here!" He exclaimed with a laugh, making me laugh in unison with him.

"She'll work it out," I chuckled, turning my head for Maree, the makeup artist, to work on the right side of my face. I saw him glancing over at me again with an expression I didn't recognise.

"She's a smart girl," he chuckled.

A silence fell over us as we finished getting our hair and makeup done for the shooting day. The four of us; myself, Alex, Daisy and Meg started to settle into each other's space, making more jokes than before and running through last minute lines.

By the time the director called us for the first scene, my heart had settled along with my breathing. We ran through most of the scenes for the day, wrapping ourselves in thick blankets in between shots to warm up in the cool, Irish air. I took glances over to Alex, watching him type on his phone and make the occasional phone call, and I couldn't help but feel an uncomfortable energy radiating from him.

-

It was dark by the time I unlocked the front door of the unit, the cool air speaking in tongues as it blew through the trees. There was an eeriness about the street, yet equally as comforting as the warmth of the indoors embraced me. My bag fell to the floor as I paced into the kitchen, boiling the kettle and making a cup of tea to sit by the window.

I found my suitcase, clothes spread across the bedroom floor, and fished out the fresh pack of cigarettes from it, pulling one out and placing myself by the cracked open window, lighting it and blowing out the window. Lights flickered in the distance, the only indication of civilisation on the quiet street. It was a change from the hotels I had been in recently, bringing in some normalcy to my life and reminding me of home in New York.

I missed New York, but after I went back a couple of years ago, my apartment didn't bring me the same joy it used to. It felt empty, isolated, the air filled with shame and annoyance. It didn't take me long to pack my bags and move to Los Angeles, boarding with Hunter until my house payment went through.

My stomach filled with an anxious guilt, bubbling up to my throat and out my mouth in the form of smoke. I couldn't shake the feeling that as beautiful as filming this show would be, how my life was going to come crashing down in a short moment.