is it over now? [tom blyth]

4.

"Surely I can come to set with you one day?"

I looked down at the blonde, whose head was perched on my chest and running soft fingertips up and down my body. It was a sight to see, her naked legs intertwined with mine and my hand splayed across her back, twirling her hair between my fingers.

"Maybe," I said, dragging out the 'a' and allowing a soft silence to fall over us, Alana accepting that the conversation was over.

Since she arrived last week, it has been a schedule full of coffee dates, me going to set, sex, maybe a movie before bed, and sleep. I can tell she is itching to come with me one day, to give herself something to do, but my uncertainty around what that means for us prompts me not to. Not that there was an us, but I wasn't prepared to give any wrong impressions. The movie played on the TV yet neither of us paid attention to it, instead just laying wrapped in each other and enjoying the peace before I had a 16-hour day on set tomorrow. 

This was the first time in two years that I had allowed a girl to overstay her welcome. There was something about Alana that I was drawn to - a simplicity as such. She didn't ask for much, didn't demand knowledge into my past or privacy, nor did she expect me to put any labels on anything or parade her around as 'my girlfriend'. We had never discussed what we were or what we expected, but I felt comfortable assuming that she wanted the same as me - nothing. She didn't want the stress that came with a boyfriend, one that would possibly be long distance. She didn't care for someone wanting to know her every move. As she had said one night, "I just want to go to work, do my job, get drunk, and go home". Simple.

It takes only one failed relationship to put you off of them for the rest of your life. After a joint and a few drinks, Alana told me all about her ex whom she found out had been having an affair with her best friend for over 6 months. She laughed as she told me that when she broke up with him, he pulled out a ring and told her how he was going to propose and he didn't want to lose her. That was two years ago. Since then, she had been in some 'situationships' but nothing that made her commit to anything. When I asked her why she was insistent on coming to Dublin to see me, one of her 'situationships', she just shrugged her shoulders and told me she always wanted to travel more and getting sex at the end of it was only an added bonus.

When I woke the following morning at 4am, soft snores fell from her plump lips. I smiled at the sound, slowly creeping out of bed so as to not make a single noise that could disturb her. I pulled track pants and a jumper on, stuffing some extra clothes into my backpack and backing out the door, inching it shut after me.

The sun was still set, the moon lighting up the sidewalk that I stood on, waiting for my uber. The chill of the air swept across my cheeks and made a shiver go up my body. When my driver arrived, I couldn't have been more glad to be in a heated space, making small talk as he drove me to set. I had barely stepped out of the car when I was pushed into the makeup trailer with Alex, Daisy and Meg, all of us struggling to keep our eyes open and just waiting for Alex's girlfriend to bring us coffee when the sun rose. He told us he was hesitant to let her come, saying she's 'a nervous driver' or some garbage like that, but she had insisted knowing he had a big day ahead.

The energy in the trailer was quiet, all of us scrolling on our phones and making small, quiet conversations to break the silence that hung over the room. I sat next to Alex, like we usually did, except he was more quiet than usual, almost as if he was avoiding me. The problem with this job is that you can't have enemies, or not get along with your coworkers - we were stuck together for months on end, plus press, plus release. It wasn't just a days work. I looked over at him in the mirror, catching his gaze and noting the anxious look in his eyes.

"Everything okay?"

He didn't say anything. I couldn't quiet work out if it was a case of he had nothing to say, or he didn't know how to say what he wanted to say. Nonetheless, the silence in the trailer was broken by the door opening. My eyes found the door in the reflection of the mirror and saw a slim, brunette girl with a wild head of curls pushing open the door with her ass, a tray of coffees in one hand and her phone and keys in another.

"I brought coffee!"

Meg and Daisy jumped straight up, walking over to the girl and standing between her and her reflection, blocking the view of her face as she turned. I glanced back to Alex and saw terror in his eyes. What the fuck is his problem?

I turned back to the door and my eyes found hers. There she stood in the door, her brown hair propped into wild curls, a style I had never seen her wear before. She looked like she had slimmed down from when I saw her, her slender cheekbones and jaw almost striking against her soft skin and features. She was tanned, making the green, silk blouse tucked into black slacks stand out vibrantly against her skin. I noticed her hands shake, the remaining two coffees in the tray begging to be spilled. In that moment, I noticed Alex walk over, place a gentle hand on her back and guide her back out the door, not forgetting to place the tray of coffees on the table before the door shut.

"You alright there, Tom?"

My eyes found Daisy's brown ones and the look of concern was the last thing I expected. I was startled and needed fresh air, yet I knew that the moment I stepped outside I would be confronted with the last two people I wanted to see right now. Or last person - Alex was a nice guy.

It explained all of the awkward looks. He must have known, either he worked it out from seeing old photos or something, or Kira told him. Nonetheless, it explained all of Alex's awkward behaviours and not wanting her to bring coffee. Now that I have time to think about it, I could have done with her not coming here.

The trailer door slammed open to reveal Alex, alone, followed by our director who was giving us 5 minutes before they started shooting. As she left the doorway, I turned to Alex who was avoiding all eye contact, focusing on gathering all of his things from the table.

"Alex-"

"We'll talk about it another time," he flashed a semi-friendly smile, one that was held back by an ounce of hesitancy, and walked out the door, followed by Daisy and Meg.

I had nothing to say, nor did I know what to do with myself. Here I was, two years on, being confronted with my ex-girlfriend who is also the current girlfriend of my coworker. Talk about a small world. We were literally the other side of the world, too. Like, what was she doing here? What is she doing now, in general? God, I had so many questions for her, yet I knew that getting answers for them would be practically impossible.

I swallowed, also copying everyone else's actions by picking up my phone, coffee, and making my way out the door. As I walked, I looked around the set, trying to find those oh-so-familiar eyes and the head of wild curls, but she was nowhere to be seen. Alex likely told her to leave, not wanting anything to happen. Part of me wished he hadn't and she was still here, but I knew that wasn't for the best.