Princess Review Shop

When Two Worlds Collide

Cover: 10/10

I'm in love with your cover. It's very simple yet so eye-catching. And the words on it are so bold that nothing can go unnoticed. So it's a solid ten for me.

Title & Blurb: 9/10

I love your title. Just looking at it alone I could tell that maybe the female lead's world crashed with the male lead. Something like that. The Blurb was good as well. It gave us a glimpse of the main character, her dad, her mum's intentions and then the male lead. I think why I gave this category a 9 is because of the 4th paragraph. There was no comma which made it hard to understand. I had to read that paragraph two times to get it.

Plot: 7/10

It started with Sonia taking us down memory lane, back to the reason she turned off socializing from her life. At a young age, she got betrayed by not just the friend she had compassion for, but also her father. After her father got arrested for scamming pretty much a lot of people, her mother decided to move both of them to Abuja for a fresh start. I love the way you conveyed the emotions of Sonia. Some parts got me confused like the idea of her blaming socializing for her misfortune. There were also lots of cliché scenes, but don't worry cause I love cliché stuff.

Character: 7/10

Sonia being the nice, friendly, outspoken, and energetic girl became a social outcast in her school after it was revealed that her father duped lots of people. I love how you switched such personality into something quiet, and nerve wrecking. I could relate to some of her feelings. I wouldn't say her character was 'strong' cause there were things I thought she could've done better to give her a stronger character irrespective of her social anxiety.

Originality: 16/20

I gave it 16 cause this is something I'm sure to read on Wattpad by lots of writers... But that doesn't mean you didn't do a great job. The slide comments from unnamed characters got me laughing.

Writing style: 12/20

I think you need some work. There were a lot of things I noticed in your writing. 1st - You switch tenses a lot. Example:

I looked over to where Eleanor was and she looked like she was going to cry any minute from now. I felt so sorry for her and at the same time I was so angry at my classmate for being so senseless and stupid.

Switch in tenses

Amaka and food is like 5&6. Even with all the food she eats she's still has this delicate model like body and she's extremely beautiful with a very beautiful dark complexion and pink lips that even make the Ss3 boys ogle at her she was that beautiful.

Both sentences were obtained from your work. You can see the switch in tenses. From the 1st to the 2nd.

2nd - Punctuation marks. Example: "And why are you on my seat" She asked still eyeing me from head to toe. It should've been - "And why are you on my seat?" She asked, still eyeing me from head to toe.

3rd - Grammar. Like I don't write or anything like that... But as a reader, this still looks so wrong to me. Example:

So there you have it Jessica came out of her car in all her 'mighty glory' I thought she was the only one in the car but to my surprise another girl came out who I couldn't see clearly cause of the other car parked beside them. Eventually Jessica was coming directly to the school block so I could see the girl properly, and when I saw the girl to say I was shocked was an understatement I was petrified.

So I tried rearranging it to make it sound a little pleasing. Looking at it alone, you'd see that not only was the grammar wrong but there were also some omissions with the punctuation marks. So here's what I tried to do.

When Jessica got out of her car, she looked stunning. I was astonished to see that she wasn't alone when someone else got out of her nice car. Initially, I couldn't see the other person because of a car that was parked beside Jessica's, obstructing my view. I was spared from my agony as both figures approached the school's block. It would be an understatement to say that I was stunned.

As I said, I'm not a writer... This was the best example I could come up with.

Enjoyment: 17/20

Irrespective of the mistakes here and there, I enjoyed it and you could tell by my comments.

Total: 78/100