Does it help or harm

The bridge

I never thought I would do it... turns out you should never say never. Nightmares do come true and in my case, a nightmare would be an understatement. When I was sixteen I jumped off a bridge onto a highway. Interestingly it didn't hurt in the slightest. Your mind tries to convince you that it will be agonizing but in my lifetime I have experienced much worse. 

I instantly regretted it, as soon as I hit the concrete I asked myself, "What the hell did you just do?!" I screamed for help, I was quite literally stuck. By the time I felt like giving up and just letting my body rot into the bloody mess I'd created people arrived at the scene. The police came and my father. I can only imagine the terror and pain in my father's eyes as he saw his girl in absolute pieces. 

I don't remember much after that, I blacked out or they put me under anesthetic, perhaps both. I woke up the next day in hospital almost paralyzed and unable to move. I had to undergo multiple surgeries regarding my injuries. It was one of the hardest things my family had to face and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't guilt trip myself for everything I've put them through. 

In saying that I do feel extremely fortunate and I may not have known it at the time or even felt it but I see now, that it has opened my eyes. I lived and made a full recovery, not everyone will be able to say that. I will have ongoing issues but I'm okay with that because at this point I'm just grateful for all the treatment, kindness, love, and empathy. I wouldn't have made it without my family, doctors, nurses, police, ambulance and my community.