Does it help or harm

Death's doorstep

It was a mistake leaving me unsupervised, not your mistake, just for putting trust in me. How could you trust me when I couldn't trust myself? I overdosed it wasn't just that it was how it impacted my health and my heart. I was rushed to the intensive care on careful monitoring and I was told that my survival couldn't be guaranteed. I didn't think I was afraid of dying but in this moment there was nothing more terrifying. I was alone and my family was told that if I wasn't going to make it they would let them come in to say goodbye. I was nonstop crying and at this point, I would've done just about anything to avoid what felt like an inevitable death. 

My heart slowed down and I could feel my world coming to an end, I was drifting in and out of consciousness. The doctor put a tube inside my neck that pumped drugs directly into my heart. I had stopped fighting and started to accept it, that is when it all turned around. After a few long days and nights of trying different forms of adrenaline to keep my heart going the tube was removed and I started to make a recovery. 

I overdosed and I knew the consequences but I don't think I was ready to face them. It wasn't like I was expecting anything bad to happen until everything went downhill and I was left scrambling to hold it all up. I said it once and I'll say it again, I feel so fortunate and every day I remind myself of the things I am grateful for except I don't say everything, or else I'll be there all day. Maybe it wasn't my time and I'm not complaining about it because I didn't think I deserved another chance but someone higher up must've thought differently. My purpose in this world is still to be discovered.