My Autumn with April

Thirteen

~Elliott~

"What the fuck did you do?" Autumn glared at me from the doorway as I stood trapped between the library and the shattered wine glass on the floor but I wasn't about to fucking stand here and let April spiral into a fucking train wreck because I lost my temper for all of 2 seconds. 

Something had been going on with her since she got back and I was sick to fucking death of her acting like everything was fine when it clearly wasn't. I don't understand why she won't just fucking tell me and let me help her through whatever it is and I the thought of her fighting anything alone makes me want to rip my skin off my body. But even if she wasn't ready to open up, shouting at her and moving towards her like that wasn't going to help anything and even if she hadn't outright told anyone the shit her dad used to do to her, she had told me her ex had hurt her. 

It was a careless, stupid, fucked up mistake and I have to fix it. I have to fix it and make sure she knows I would never lay my hands on her like they have, that she's safe with me, and I have to make sure I keep myself in check around her because the fear on her face physically burned a hole in my chest and I felt like I was bleeding out. I never want April to be scared of me. I want to be the one she runs to when she's scared. Not run from me because I'm the one terrifying her. 

I step over the glass and move down the hall, only for Autumn, Maya and Noah to block my way. 

"Move, I need to-" 

"You need to tell us why the fuck April just ran out of here in floods of tears when she was fine-" 

"She wasn't fine though was she? Are you all really going to fucking stand there and tell me April has been herself since she came back? That for not even a second you've looked at her and thought there was something she wasn't letting on or that she's been putting too much of herself into work and she only ever keeps herself busy with baking when she's stressed?" I clenched my jaw tight, knowing I needed to calm myself down right now before I snapped again. "I pushed her to tell me what was going on and lost my cool. I didn't lay a single finger on her but I guess she thought I was going to and I freaked her out now, please, let me go fix it because knowing I've scared her is tearing me apart and I need to - I need to stop her hurting."  I stared at the girls who looked at each other, another silent discussion no one would ever understand but them but after a few seconds they stood to one side. I dropped a quick kiss to both of their foreheads as a thank you and Noah stepped back. 

I practically ran the whole way to April's, working off the negative energy and letting the guilt of what I'd done eat at my chest so I'd remember to never do it again. But when I got to her house, the front door was ever so slightly open. I was careful, pushing it open silently and listening for any evidence of April or if someone else was in here. The was a muffled blub of cries upstairs and the sound made me grit my teeth. 

"April?" I pushed her door closed behind me, almost slipping on a white letter on the door mat. I picked it up, stepping forward to put it on the table along the wall where an identical stack sat. All with black ink scrawled across the front but the addressee was different every time and I'd found one of the likely reasons April had been so withdrawn. 'Whore', 'Bitch', 'Waste of space. The insults on just the outer envelope were horrible and without a postage stamp or address, they'd come from someone on the island and now I was feeling sick. How could she not tell any of us about these?

I added the newest letter onto her pile and pushed a hand through my hair as I walked up towards her room, knocking and pushing her door open slowly. 

"April? Love?" I kept my voice soft, just above a whisper and as calm as I could possibly manage as I looked around the room. My eyes settled on the ball huddled up under her desk across the room. I lowered myself down to my knees, crawling across the space until I was a foot or 2 away. "April?" She whimpered, somehow managing to back herself further under the desk.