My Autumn with April

Fourteen

~April~

It's weird how your body will automatically wake you up at the right time when you've been in a routine every day for a certain amount of time. Alarm clock or not. Wrapped up in what could only be described as a home I never had. And although last night's events hadn't strayed from my mind in the middle of the night, I knew that where I was right now, right here in Elliott's arms was likely the safest place I would ever find and I wasn't quite ready to leave there yet. 

I breathed him in slowly, feeling his chest rise and fall against palm and cheek. His heart beat was slow and steady in his chest and I knew from his lack of movement he was still asleep. I had to get up. I knew that. I knew I had to pull myself out of his arms, out of this bed, out of his shirt and I had to go to work and act like tonight hasn't broken and built me. 

Because like it or not, this wasn't helping my crush on Elliott. I kind of wish he hadn't come back last night. That he'd have stayed there. So I'd have a reason to avoid him now. But spending the night wrapped up with him, being very aware of the minimal amount of cloth between us, it made me want to come back. I wanted to be around him and have him hold me like this and that hurt. 

There are dozens of girls on this Island better suited to El than me. Girls his parents don't hate, girls that the island doesn't hate. This island means the fucking world to him and he's always going to be their golden boy. The golden boy could never be with a girl like me. It's as simple as this. There would be an outrage. He'd be getting half of the crap I am now and at least I deserve it. El doesn't. Elliott needs to marry someone in his zone. Someone the town loves as much as him and that isn't me. 

I need to stop blurring these lines and remember that I need to keep him at a slight distance because all that this is going to lead to is me having my heart broken by someone I could never have anyway. 

Swallowing my want to stay here, I start the day pulling myself out of his arms carefully, trying to find some clothes to wear as quietly as possible in the dark.

"What are you doing?" El whispers into the room and I freeze for a second. I clear my throat and continue grabbing underwear and a tee-shirt to wear under my dungarees that I'd already scooped off the pile on the floor. 

"I've got work. I didn't mean to wake you up. Go back to sleep." 

"Come back to bed, Love. Take the morning off." 

"I can't. I have a few orders going out first thing and I really don't want to risk pissing off Mrs. Henderson when she doesn't get her fresh bread. She's like my best customer right now." He groaned. "Go back to sleep. Just lock up when you leave. I'll take my spare key." 

"We need to talk later. About last night and the letters and your fucking desk." My throat tightened. "When are you closing up today?" 

"I don't normally finish until 11." 

"Not what I asked." I sighed. "Apr-" 

"I'll see you later. Sleep." I left the room, pulling the door closed behind me as I headed for the quickest shower known to man and heading out the front door 15 minutes later.

I don't know if I wanted to talk about everything with El. Or anyone who loved this place as much as him and Autumn and Maya do. There's a darkness on Coleisle that they don't see. I love this island, don't get me wrong. I love the colours and the sea air and the birds and the quaint little streets just before the sun rises when it's so quiet. I love all the little stores and I love the idea that if my family weren't who they were, that this place would be like one giant family to me in the same way it is for Autumn and Maya. 

I would never intentionally ruin the view someone had of this place. I know El better than he thinks I do, and I know that if he read the letters, saw half the shit I deal with from the people here, he would start tearing them all to shreds. His family built this island. They set up the market and the ice cream stand over 150 years ago. It was the first tourist only area in the country. People would come for the year round beaches and the space and the clean air and they'd stay a few days on their boats in the crystal clear water before taking their handmade souvenirs and heading home. That was the Thomas legacy on Coleisle. Everything here is because of them, their family, their determination to make an empty plot of land home. I wasn't going to ruin that for El or anyone else. 

I stopped a solid 10 feet away from the bakery door, staring at the 4 foot pile of rubbish on the doorstep. Literal rubbish. Like someone had emptied their bins right in the doorway. And on the front window, in I don't even fucking know what was 'Leave'. I was so close to throwing the towel in. To doing exactly what every one wanted me to do. 

"Morning Ap- what the fuck?" I turned my head at Autumn's sudden silence, looking back to the pile of crap. She tossed an arm over my shoulder, pulling me into her side. "Don't worry. We'll clean it up and work out which little fuck ups did this." 

"No, it's fine, I've got it." 

"No you don't." 

"Autumn, it's-" 

"Hey El-" 

"Autumn-" I stood up straighter, trying to pull the phone away from her ear. I couldn't  get out of this if he was involved. He wouldn't let it. Autumn batted my hand away. 

"No, not really. I'm at the bakery with April and someone's dumped a tonne of rubbish in front of the door.... Yeah, I know. It's fucked. Anyway can- you're on your way? Awesome. I'll call Noah. Thanks." She hung up the phone and tilted her head at me. "Girls night tonight. Just me you and Maya. We don't need to talk about this or why El is at your place or whatever is going through your head but you need to remember that we love you and we want you here. Twats like this or not."