bad idea.

chapter fifteen: give me all of this

I wake up in a start breathing really heavily. I turn to see Lando sleeping next to me. Must of been a bad dream. I don't know if I can keep dealing with these bad dreams. I just wish Max never fucking told me. I climb out of bed careful not to wake him up and walk to the kitchen. I stayed over at Lando's last night cause I didn't wanna go home.

My body just feels weak. As much as I love Daniel, he is bad for me. I know it. I just needed release. I still do I guess. I open the fridge and get out a capri sun and then stand drinking it. All I can think about is Jake. Every fucking part of me just wants him to hurt as I am right now, even though it was so long ago. Clearly I was dissociating because, Lando's walked through to the kitchen yawning. "You alright" he asks, coming up behind me and wrapping his arms around my waist. "What no yeah I'm fine just couldn't sleep" I say. He leans his head on my shoulder, "So you thought a capri sun would help" he says chuckling against my shoulder. I roll my eyes, "Well clearly" I say giggling and drinking it.

"Baby you've got the race tomorrow. You need to go back to bed" I say leaning against him. "Can you come with me?" He asks kissing my shoulder. I shake my head, "I'm gonna sit out here for a minute, I'll be in soon I promise" I say. He sighs, "Ok Mel's, be back soon" he says taking his hands away from my waist and walking back to the bedroom. My whole heart is full of guilt, he's barely sleeping because of me. I swipe up onto my instagram and see Daniel's tagged me in a post.