Kingdom of isolation - you can't hide

Nine ~ Aurora

Aurora

Age 18

Because that's where the monsters are, Aurora.

His words have been ringing in my ears for hours and I can't make them go away. Aunt Clara hugged me until I stopped shaking whilst Uncle Noah looked totally lost just watching me—guilty even. I lost my appetite, calling it an early night before my mind went berserk. My skin prickles with fear I haven't felt in a long time and I clutch my pillow in my clammy hands. Monsters. That was a new low, even for him. He knows about my tumultuous relationship with that word and he's witnessed the results firsthand. My recurring nightmares, the countless sleepless nights, me crying that the monster was after me. All of it, he's witnessed it. For him to use that against me has made me feel all sorts of wrong. Yet, that nagging feeling of there being some semblance of truth to his statement hasn't eased off either. He's right, isn't he?

They say ignorance is bliss, not knowing something can be a blessing in disguise sometimes. A part of me always wanted to stay ignorant to the truths tucked under many disguises because deep down I was afraid of the knowledge, I wouldn't know what to do with it. Maybe that's why I quit being curious. So I'm not surprised that I now want to go back in time and wish I never had that conversation. In the heat of the moment, I allowed that door to open up a conversation with him that has been gnawing away at my insides, making me nauseous and a little fearful. I haven't been able to concentrate on anything else, it's like a reel that's been playing on repeat. I want it to stop. I need it to stop. I punch my pillow in frustration before lifting it up and covering my head with it. Make it stop. Make it stop.

A hesitant knock on my bedroom door jerks me back to reality and I see my Uncle standing over the threshold with a sombre expression. "Is this a bad time?"

I remove the pillow, punching it one last time before placing my cheek on it and facing away from the door. "Yes." I huff. Truth is, I don't want to talk to him just yet. It's too raw, that feeling teetering on the edge of dipping into an unknown territory—I'm not ready for that conversation. But he doesn't seem to take the hint as he sits on my bed and it dips with his weight in the process. Chunky monkey. I should tell Aunt Clara to stop with the stress baking, she's just enabling his bad habits. Silence falls between us for a while until he clears his throat.

"You need to eat."

My stomach rumbles as if on cue and I bite the inside of my cheek in embarrassment. It's embarrassing enough that I have to be reminded of something as basic as eating.

"Come on, I made you a sandwich with twisted Cheetos in the middle. Just the way you like it." He hauls me off the bed and drags me into the kitchen. I don't have the energy to fight him over it so I quietly take a seat next to the countertop and dig into the awaiting sandwich. He pours cola into a glass and places it in front of me, taking a seat on the opposite end of the kitchen counter and digging into his own plate of sandwiches. I take a few greedy gulps of the cola and set the glass back down. I didn't realise how thirsty I was.

"About what I said before," He says to me once we're done eating. "I didn't mean to scare you like that. And I'm sorry for snapping at you too. And for everything that followed. Especially for whatever followed..fuck. I didn't mean it. I just lost my cool and said whatever."

I sigh, exhaustion sinking into me by just hearing him rant like that. It's not his fault, not really. But like Aunt Clara, he's the only one I can direct my anger toward and it's not even fair. I have to remind myself that he's not my sibling, he's my Uncle and I should have some respect for him as my guardian too—it'd be so much easier if he looked the part. And perhaps he was right this entire time and I was being unreasonable. Maybe I was better off leaving this conversation as it was and pretending it never happened. But then again, I don't have a good track record with leaving things as they are, it's like I want to torture myself.