Kingdom of isolation - you can't hide

Twenty Six ~ Aurora

Aurora

Age 20

Present

I don't know how long I've been asleep and stuck in this dark void for but it feels like a really long time. Enough to be going in and out of consciousness with voices ebbing out like a tide and rushing back in just as fast. I'm dreaming about something, but it feels so real.

"Stop being so mean to me, Ian!" I whine, my voice weirdly child-like. I soon realise that this is a child version of me as I'm looking up at someone. He seems familiar. Blue-grey eyes, pale skin with some freckles and light brown hair due for a haircut. He looks young, maybe 10 or 11.

"I'm giving you constructive criticism, little princess." He says to little me, his eyes sparkling with mischief.

"What does con..con crithzsimms mean?" I hear myself saying, the words sounding all wrong and silly. He snickers at me and leans down, grinning.

"Constructive. Criticism. And it means grow some limbs, you little midget."

"Mama! Ian's being mean to me again!" I turn around, yelling like a petulant little child.

"Cas, what did I say about bullying Rory?" Mama walks in with a mixing bowl under her rib cage and a wooden spoon in her hand. That's my Mama, she looks as I imagined—slowly fading away. But I can recognise her voice even if I can't see her face that well.

"He keeps calling me short!" I complain to her, burying my face on the side of her leg because that's as far as I can reach. She's so warm and always smells nice.

"Aw, my sweet little baby. You're still growing. Bet you'll be even taller than your brother!" Mama assures me, patting my head gently before walking away.

"Mama's pet, go away." He grumbles, turning to walk away from me. I grab his forearm with my little hands. I don't want him to go.

"But I wanna play with you, Ian!"

"Say you're sorry."

"S-sorry?" I hiccup, my bottom lip jutting out. Oh no, I think I'm about to cry and I don't even know why.

"You're too fucking adorable. Come here, silly." He ruffles my hair and plants a small kiss on my forehead, as if to say sorry for upsetting me.

"What does fuc–" His hand clamps down on my mouth with lightning speed, his face scrunching up as he looks at me with a sheepish expression.

"Don't tell Mom I said that. Shit.." He hisses. "Let's go play hide and seek."

I grin, thinking I got him.

I jolt upright, breathing heavily. My head hurts and it's too freaking dark in here..wherever I am. Panic grips me all of a sudden and I try to get my frozen limbs moving.

"Fuck. Are you okay?" I scream at the deep voice coming from the other side of the room but it's a strangled mess. Quick footsteps and suddenly, the man sits on the edge of the bed and the mattress dips. It's too dark for me to see him but his familiar scent has my brain working overtime. I move to stand up and nearly topple over until warm hands steady me. A light switch turns on and I squint to adjust my eyes.

Have you ever tried to put the shower curtain on and felt that searing pressure on your neck as you did so? I've done it countless times. Short people would understand, because that's exactly what it feels like as I'm looking up at this stranger. Only, he's not a stranger anymore. It's like a portal opened wide inside my mind with memories gushing through the gaping hole. Not all of them, but enough for me to know who this man is. Same eyes, same..everything. But older, more mature. Gone is the mischief in his eyes, replaced with a myriad of emotions. That's my brother. Ian. He looks bruised up and something inside me shatters at the sight. I blink once, then twice. This better not be a dream but it also feels too good to be real. Pressure builds behind my eyes, my heart constricting painfully as I stare up at my brother. Caspian. Please be real, please be real.