Kingdom of isolation - you can't hide

Seven ~ Aurora

Aurora

Age 18

They say you only live once. Whoever said that must have been high as a kite. What a lie. I feel like I've lived 100 times over with no end in sight. I've learned the hard way that it's better to see the world for what it really is rather than gaze through rose coloured glasses. Optimism in this world is pointless, you'll never get something unless you work for it. And working for it sometimes means having to do things you wouldn't normally do. Hope binds our souls to seeking out humanity, manipulating us into wanting to see the good in things when there is nothing but misery out there. Screw hope and optimism. They never did me any favours when it truly mattered. Hope didn't help me when I cried myself to sleep every night, deciding if my nightmares were better than my reality. It didn't help when people trampled all over me just because they could. It certainly didn't help me when I found myself in dire situations and felt fear cripple me.

The world is truly a cruel place for someone like me, having snatched the safety I once had a long, long time ago. It stripped me of any semblance of normalcy, thrusting me into the deep end with no way out. A horrid place full of hateful people with greed, selfishness, lust and deceit like diseases as their twisted medals of honour like they were above those trying to get by peacefully. More than once, I've had to claw my way out and pretend everything was fine. I've had my fair share of unpleasantries but they've all taught me to be stronger, faster, never back down no matter how strong your opponent is. Sure, I might have landed in deep shit sometimes, but I don't regret it. My body was proof that with perseverance, anything can be accomplished. Actually, that is a lie. I have yet to accomplish the greater things in life but there's power in smaller victories. It's what makes us human, making us crave for the very things we come to hate.

I gave up trying to fit in with the crowd, to be desperately liked by my peers. It never worked. Being nice only gave them more ammunition toward me because children and adults were equally vicious. So I decided to dish back what they served. It was hypocritical of me, I know. But remember what I said about the world not being fair? I decided to live by its rule and unsurprisingly, they didn't like it. It took me a while to toughen up but I did it. Luckily for those that did me wrong, I never stuck around in a town long enough to see the end of it. Like Houdini, I was gone before they knew what hit them. I was a nomad, sort of speaking. A traveller, a drifter with no permanent place. I couldn't stay anywhere for long periods of time before being driven out like a witch from a village. It was almost as if I was cursed to bounce from one place to another for as long as I could remember. I don't really know why, I never questioned it either. I think it has something to do with my past, specifically, where I came from. I don't recall much, over the years I may have forgotten any memories I might have had. It's..in bits and pieces. Like a jigsaw puzzle but none of the pieces fit. As if 10 different puzzles were mixed into one by a spoiled child who couldn't understand the rules of the game.

You are my soul, Aurora. Never forget that.

My mother's words linger somewhere in the depths of my mind, sometimes I see her in my nightmares, it's the only reminder that I once had a very different life. Perhaps the perfect life I could only dream of now. I don't remember her face or voice anymore, years of being away turned her into a blur of light. The only light in my mind amidst the darkness threatening to eat me away. But I know it's my mother, I can feel a phantom caress on my skin when I think about her.

Then why did you leave me alone in this dark world, Mama?

"Prepare for your inevitable doom cuz you're going down, gremlin!" An obnoxious voice echoes in the apartment, breaking me out of my trance. Messy chestnut hair that's in dire need of a haircut, nocturnal eyes that have seen the world, Noah Evans stands proud with hands on his hips like he's about to do the superman pose. After all these years, he still manages to dwarf everything around him, me included. My eyes roam over our cosy apartment with slight disbelief. We've only gone and done it. We've actually managed to stay in one place long enough for Aunt Clara to grow a mini garden on the balcony. I consider that a massive victory. There's a gentle breeze coming through the window, the smell of fast food wafting through and making my stomach rumble.