Fused harmony

14.

After settling into the camp, (Y/N) opened the bag left by the staff as they finished setting up the cameras in the area, it contained his sleeping bag, some matches but also a flint and steel with some wood shavings in a tin labeled "Challenge". He opened the tin after being told the cameras were once again rolling and saw a note saying:
 "Test your survival skills and light the barbeque the old-fashioned way".

Now, (Y/N) was a little competitive, a trait he had picked up when playing games with his little brother over the years. So after reading the note aloud with enthusiasm, he pulled out the flint and steel and began trying to get a spark to light the wood shavings. To his surprise, he managed to get it on his 4th strike and with a great grin, placed 5 chicken and veg kebabs over the fire to cook.

After they were done, he handed one to each of the staff members who looked shocked, but after a little insistence, they accepted gracefully. They knew it was genuine, but they also knew it would be great for improving his image so they would've accepted regardless.

After eating them, (Y/N) was still hungry so he cooked some more food, this time it was some burgers, which the staff declined this time still thanking him for the offer, but none was wasted as (Y/N) managed to eat two of the burgers and gave the other 2 to some neighboring campers, albeit rather shyly. However, one of them, a teenage boy of around 16 pulled a face of recognition.

"Hey... I think I've seen you somewhere before."

This peaked (Y/N)'s attention and he tilted his head he didn't understand exactly, but he knew what the boy meant. So (Y/N) called a member of staff over for translations. Which only confirmed the boys suspicions.

"You're that new trainee!! (Y-(Y/N) right?"

(Y/N) smiled bashfully as he scratched the back of his head and told the staff member what to say.

"Yes, that's me it's nice to meet you! I hope you enjoy your trip!"

(Y/N) gave a small bow to the boy who had asked for a picture, which he was happy to take, and presumably his mother before turning and walking back to his own tent with a wave. All of this was caught on camera and afterwards, (Y/N)'s mood was visibly much greater after the exchange. His first time being recognised...

This was something he'd remember for the rest of his life. He made sure to take a picture of himself with his back to the camera and the sun which was beginning to set over the river in the background, captioning it:

"The perfect start"

After a little while, (Y/N) out of respect for other campers who were trying to relax and even sleep, asked for the big camera's to be turned off and the staff, who were waiting to leave for home had no issues with the request, packing up and saying their goodbyes before leaving in a company van.

This left (Y/N) alone to reflect (and text his family and new friends as well as check his socials of course, but all of that could wait for now).

He had come so far in such a short time, and through all the mayhem of his past few weeks, this was the first time he was truly at peace. Outside, enjoying the breeze and the sound of the river flowing, it's pitch black waters lit only by a shallow moon which left a gentle hue rippling as boats bobbed in the water.
He felt easy. He wouldn't trade this moment for anything. Well. Maybe someone to share it with, but that's something he'll worry about when his contract is over.

After what felt like an eternal moment, a familiar buzz rang out in his ears, so (Y/N) checked his phone reluctantly. He saw a message from his mum.

Claire: 'Hey son, just checking  in, how's my baby doing x'

(Y/N): 'I'm okay, just taking the time to breathe, first break I've had all week haha'

Claire: 'Make sure you rest, I'm heading to bed now, goodnight x'

(Y/N): 'night mum'

He checked his instagram, which had grown to 121k followers in a very short amount of time in anticipation of his album drop. It was honestly surreal. There was obviously hate, and it did get to him, but the masses of overwhelming support made him feel better, he knew that he'd never be loved by all. But a few was enough, so the fact he had thousands so soon was mind blowing.

He opened the group chat he had with the NewJeans girls where they had responded to his latest post with the unanimous decision of it being pretty.

(Y/N): Yea it's surprisingly tranquil out here, I love it.

Hyein: Looks cold though, make sure to stay warm!!

Dani: awww I love camping, have fun!

There were a few more exchanges with the group before a text came through

Jake: Hey man, just checking in. Stay safe tonight the boys and I are cheering for you.

All of this was so much. So many people who cared for him in such a short amount of time. Where was this when he needed it a few years ago. Better late than never I suppose.

But as the night got darker. So did the depths of (Y/N)'s thoughts. Peace isn't permanent and as time passed, the silence began to get loud. Thoughts of how he would fail, how he didn't deserve the opportunity and maybe the people hating were right. He didn't fit in here. He was different to everyone else surrounding him here. He should just give up and go home before he embarrassed himself. 

He retreated into his tent and pulled his sleeping bag up and over his mouth, trembling as the thoughts followed him like a bad smell. He tried, but no matter how hard he tried to ignore them. They just got louder.

He scrambled for his rucksack, and found his headphones, turning them on and opening his Spotify as his hands trembled, he had gone into a full blown panic attack, his breaths were shallow and everything around him was closing in on him. Struggling to get his headphones on, but eventually succeeding.

He frantically opened a playlist titled, 'it's okay' and pressed play, a familiar song rang through his ears to drown out the sounds of his thoughts.

After a while, he managed to get a grip on his breathing, slow, steady breaths whilst (Y/N) was still shaking, but the music slowly opened up his vision, he could see more than what was right in front of him and he eventually lay in peace. More exhaustion but peace nonetheless. It had been a while since his last panic attack, and they were as scary as ever. He couldn't move, so he lay staring at the small gap in the roof of his tent at the night sky and the stars that shone in it.

All of them seemingly so close, yet separated by distances we couldn't cover in our lifetime.