Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not

5 - Only Ones Who Know

The next morning, Miles had miraculously managed to get up more or less on time. He was still in a hurry but it was nothing compared to other days.
Almost ready to go, there was only one thing left to do: pack his little notebook.
Miles started to make a real mess on his desk, now realising that even though he had gotten up relatively early, there wasn't much time left until he'd be running to school again.

But where could this stupid notebook be? He'd had it the day before, he always did as he almost never left for school without it, afraid he'd be attacked by ideas unexpectedly and wouldn't have a way to write them down straight away into his little collection.
"What the"- Miles said to himself but stopped speaking when it hit him: He'd left the notebook at Alex's.

Miles felt panic at first, then relief as it was only Alex and he hadn't lost the book as he'd feared for a few moments, then panic again because of the same reason he'd felt relief: it was Alex.
It was Alex whose hands it had fallen into and been in this whole time. Perhaps he didn't even find it, Miles thought, but he knew how unlikely that was since he was sure he'd left it right on his bedroom floor.

The reason why Miles was so anxious about Alex finding his notebook was that he was scared he might have opened up some other pages and looked at the other stuff Miles had been writing about.

It wasn't like there were major secrets in there, it wasn't his diary after all, but it still felt a bit like it as Miles told stories in a certain way whenever he picked up that book. He was sure Alex was no different - he had been impressed by his lyricism ever since the first line he'd read or heard by him.

Miles felt a bit embarrassed. He hadn't meant for any more than the page he'd shown to Alex to be read by anyone else really, so the thought of all of his notes and attempts at song lyrics as well as their fate being out of reach and, more importantly, out of his control was making him rather uneasy.

He knew Alex probably wouldn't be that straightforward. He knew that Alex understood the vulnerability as well as the intimacy that the process of 'creation' and its 'presentation' held. He hadn't read it. Miles was sure.
But what if he was wrong?

Deciding that this kind of thinking was - quite literally - getting him nowhere, Miles rushed out of the house and made his way to school. He didn't have to run but he did have to speed up his pace regularly in order to get there on time.
As always, he did, and actually managed to catch Jamie and Nick on their way to class again.
It was another Wednesday.
This time, Miles wasn't even really out of breath.

Throughout the whole lesson, he kept looking at the time and bouncing his leg up and down under the desk. He did that sometimes when he was nervous.
He wasn't even sure what exactly he was this nervous about really, since Alex would have already read his notes by now if he had indeed done so. There was nothing that Miles could do except wait, and that was probably what was driving him crazy.

Once the bell finally rang, he was the first one to walk out of the classroom, leaving Jamie and Nick behind, confused at what had suddenly gotten into him as they usually waited for one another to go to their following classes together.
Miles couldn't care about that right now though, he knew he had to get to Alex as quickly as possible.

"Oi, hello Miles, running again?" Matt teasingly asked as Miles entered the classroom and took his usual place next to Alex. He ignored Matt's comment and turned straight to the other boy, not even giving him a chance to say hello.

"I think I left my-" Miles was interrupted by Alex holding up the little black book in his hand and then putting it down on Miles's desk.
"Oh", Miles exclaimed. "Thanks."
They exchanged a look and Alex could see the question in the other's eyes.
"Don't worry", he assured. "I didn't read any of it. I promise."
Miles let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding.
"I had another look at the page you showed me though", Alex continued. "I stand by what I said, Miles. I think you could make something truly unique with what you've got already."
Miles liked how Alex had chosen the words 'truly unique' instead of something as simple as 'good' or 'nice'.
He didn't know how to respond.
"Thank you", he finally said, the words coming out in a more serious tone than he had intended, the room suddenly feeling quieter.