Crosshair x Female Medic Reader

But... how? How can you forgive me?

Summary: You comfort Crosshair after he expresses his guilt to you about the things that he did when he worked for the Empire.

Warnings: Mentions of violence/murder, cursing

~

     "Where's Crosshair?" You ask Echo.

You haven't been able to find him all morning. The ship is currently on a small planet refueling, and it's pouring rain outside.

"I haven't seen him today. Maybe he went for a walk or something."

"Went for a walk?" You respond, raising your voice due to your anxiety. "Do you think Crosshair would just 'go for a walk' in the pouring rain?"

"I don't know. He's weird. Always brooding."

You hurriedly put on your jacket and walk towards the Marauder's exit. Echo puts a hand on your shoulder.

"Y/N, let him be. He's been through a lot. He's probably... processing, or something."

"Normally I would, but... I don't know. He was acting off yesterday."

Echo doesn't try to stop you again as you leave the Marauder.

~

     A gust of wind blows the hood your jacket down. You don't bother putting it back up. The visibility is terrible. It also doesn't help that you're unfamiliar with this planet.

"Crosshair!" You shout.

You hear no response. You start running, the puddles of rain splashing up as your feet tread on them. The sky is a dark gray, similar to the color of the buildings.

You shout his name a second time, and there's still no response.

Where could he be? Think, Y/N!

You try to remember places that Crosshair liked to go on his free time when you two worked for the Empire.

He would sit on top of the buildings... right.

You look up towards the tops of the buildings, the rain now falling on your face. You find a nearby manufacturing building and find some pipes on the side of it. You try to climb up, but it's no use. The pipes are slick from the rainfall. You reach into your bag for some rope. You didn't carry it on you when you first became a medic, but you've found that traveling with the squad had made you need to add some extra items like this. You tie the rope on to the pipe and climb up.

~

     Crosshair isn't on this building, but you think you see a figure on a building up ahead.

Shit.

You realize that your best option here is to jump across to the next building. Doing so is very dangerous as well given that you could slip when you jump.

It's worth the risk. You think as you jump to the next building. You're able to keep your balance as you land. You reach the edge of the building you're on and jump again. As you land, you see the figure on the next building ahead become clear: it's Crosshair. You jump to the building, landing awkwardly on the ground. Crosshair sees you and turns towards you. He's soaking wet from the rain. 

As you get up, you say, "Crosshair! What the hell are you doing out here?"

"I don't deserve you, Y/N! I'm a bad man." Crosshair responds, raising his voice due to the noise of the heavy rain. 

You raise your voice so he can hear you. "What do you mean, I don't deserve you?!"

"I've killed people, Y/N! Innocent people? And for what?"

You stand speechless.

"Do you want to know the worst part of this?" He continues. "I thought I was right for killing those people! I thought I was doing the right thing! How could you ever love someone like..."

His expression softens as he starts sobbing. "Someone like me."

You don't say anything for a moment, just walking over and hugging him. 

"It's okay. It's okay, I promise."

~

     You step back from him. "We can discuss this more, but we should get out of the rain."

Crosshair nods, attaching his grappling hook to the edge of the tall building and waiting for you. You hold on to him as he lowers the two of you down to the ground. You notice a covered area a few blocks down and point to it.

"Let's go there." 

You walk in silence to the covered awning. You sit down under it, trying to wipe the rain off of your face. Crosshair sits down next to you. 

"Crosshair, I..." You begin, not quite sure of what to say. "I know you've done those things. I know you beat yourself up over it every day, but I will never stop loving you because of it."

Crosshair rests his face in his palms. "But... how? How can you forgive me?" 

You turn towards him, placing a hand on his knee. "You forget that I was I willingly worked for the Empire, too. There were times where I could've saved people, and I didn't. It's hard to move on from. Trust me, I feel guilty, too."

You sigh, looking at the falling rain. "We're in a difficult time, Crosshair. Everyone is. We're in tumultuous times."

"But I was able to disobey the orders... I could've done it, but I convinced myself that I was doing what was right. That I was helping restore order to the galaxy. It wasn't the kriffing chip's fault, it was me..." 

You gently take one of Crosshair's hands and hold it in yours. "I loved you when we worked for the Empire, and I love you now. I'll love you no matter what. I love you for you. For all of the pieces of you, even the hurt ones. I'll say it as many times as I need to." 

Crosshair smiles softly, speaking quietly. "I love you too. I'm sorry, c'yare." 

"Don't apologize, my love." You smile. "Do I look upset with you?"

"I suppose you're right."

"I have a silly idea."

Crosshair's face begins to light up just a little bit. He smirks slightly upon hearing you say this. "What is it?"

"Do you want to dance with me in the rain?"

~

     Crosshair smiles and nods in agreement. You help him up and you two walk forward, no longer sheltered by the awning. The rain hasn't let up yet. The familiar sensation of the rain pouring down on you returns. 

Crosshair looks embarrassed. "I've never danced with anyone before." 

"They didn't teach you at the Kaminoan Military Complex?" You wink.

He laughs. "No. Do you know how to dance?"

"Somewhat." You laugh with him. "My parents taught me a little when I was very young."

"Do you remember any of it?"

You shrug. "I guess we'll have to see."

You put one of your arms on Crosshair's shoulders. He takes your other hand. 

"What do we do now?" 

You take your hand off of his shoulder and do a spin. Crosshair's mood seems to be improving already. 

"Spin again- but towards me." Crosshair says. "I want to try something."

You do another spin, this time towards him. 

"Lean back. I'll catch you." He smiles.

You do as he says, feeling him catch you. He then leans down and kisses you for a while. 

"I thought you said you didn't know how to dance."

"I don't, but I've seen romance movies before. Plus, it just felt right." Crosshair chuckles.

You smile, holding hands with him once again as you two stand in the rain, enjoying your peaceful moment together.