Symphonic Waves (Ciudad de Escalante #6)

Phase 30

"Paano mo naman napapayag? Leticia and the communication committee have been trying to convince him for months," sabi ni Elisha na kausap ko sa video call. We're talking about our unfinished project in the organization. It is a concert for a cause, where Sylvan and his band are the most requested artists to perform.

"I didn't force or convince him. He really declined at first, right? Nagbago lang siguro ang isip niya," sagot ko at nagpatuloy sa pagdrawing sa aking sketchpad. I squinted my eyes when she gave me meaningful and weird looks.

"Or, let's say, it has something to do with you," pagsususpetya niya kaya natawa ako.

"What do you mean?" I asked, clueless. What could I've possibly done? Hindi nga ako namilit o nakiusap. If Sylvan is willing to perform with all his heart, he really would. Baka dahil sa pag-attend niya noong anniversary ng hospital, kaya nagbago ang isip niya. He finally realized how fulfilling it is to help.

Elisha laughed loudly. Her playful chuckles echoed in my ears.

"Oh, come on, Ceres. That motherfucker is down bad for you!" Aniya habang humahalakhak. "I could feel it. Pwede naman palang magka-change of heart ang mga gago," dagdag niya kaya agad akong umiling.

"He didn't change, Shay. Sylvan is still Sylvan," agap ko.

"Whatever you say, dear, for me, the way I see it, he really likes you—"

"Look, let's stop romanticizing assholes, okay? I'm done with his playtime. No woman, no matter how good she is, will ever fix men like him," I affirmed.

Yes, I can't deny the fact that when I met Sylvan, I became the kind of woman who had a penchant for the rebels, the bad boys, and the intelligent one with a shitty attitude. But today, with my remaining time in this world, I swear that I will throw aside these illusions.

I can't sacrifice my own peace of mind, my self-respect, or the chance for genuine happiness anymore. The rollercoaster of emotions he brought to me is not love; it's a whirlwind of confusion, heartache, and disappointment.

"Talaga ba?" panunukso ni Elisha, kaya napabuntong-hininga ako.

"Oo," sambit ko.

"Maybe you didn't fix him. You just openly accepted who he is."

I gulped.

Still, love is not about fixing someone or enduring constant emotional storms. Love is about growing together, lifting each other up, and building a future based on mutual respect and admiration.

"Anyways, at least pumayag na," pag-iiba ko na lamang nang usapan. The lineup of our artists is complete.

"Kumusta pala ang pakiramdam mo?" she asked.

"Hmm, okay na. Madi-discharge na ako bukas. Then, I'll come to school on Monday."

Tatapusin ko na lang pala ang semester na ito. I don't have plans to continue the second semester. I already told my parents last night, by the way.

"Nice! Sulitin mo talaga ang pahinga mo riyan dahil kabalik mo, sandamakmak na paperworks ang naghihintay sa'yo," pananakot ni Elisha na tinawanan ko na lamang.

Our conversation ended after two hours. We only talked about random things, and I kind of felt guilty for not telling her what my situation was. Siguro kapag nagkita na lamang kami sa personal. It hurts me already just to imagine her reaction. She is more expressive, unlike Third.

Pagkatapos namin mag-usap ni Elisha, ang journal ko naman ang pinagkakaabalahan ko. I want to list down all the things I want to do more of, even though I know what I have fulfilled now is enough. From now on, each of my days is like a precious drop of sand in the hourglass. It is a reminder that my life has only a finite number of sunrises and sunsets.

"Book signing in a month. Opening of my art gallery in two months. Accomplish my remaining projects within four months..." I wrote and paused to analyze what I had jotted down so far.

A bucket list isn't about chasing after ephemeral experiences. For one last time, I will continue crafting my legacy, a proof of my well-lived life.

"Travel alone, around Europe, siguro kung hanggang saan aabutin ang paghinga ko. Paris, France, and Italy are the top priorities where love and art are born," bulong ko sa sarili habang sinusulat iyon.

I giggled as I searched for the destinations I wanted to visit. I'm excited! Kahit nakapunta naman na ako noon, iba rin siguro kapag ako lang. I'll just request two nurses and a bodyguard to accompany me secretly in case something happens. Pero iba kasi talaga kapag mag-isa lang. Ack, I'll think about this muna.

Sa kalagitnaan nang pagsusulat, bumukas ang pintuan ng aking kwarto.

"Good evening," I greeted cheerfully when I already recognized who it was.

"What are you up to?" kuryosong tanong ni Constance habang binababa ang bag at mga pagkain na binili sa mesa. Nagkibit-balikat ako at ipinakita sa kanya ang sinusulat ko.

"Just completing my bucket list," I smiled. Napawi ang ngiti ko nang kumunot ang noo niya at naglakad palapit sa akin. Kinagat ko ang aking pang-ibabang labi nang kunin niya ang journal ko at binasa ang mga sinusulat ko magmula kanina.

"We're not doing this, Cerestine," Constance uttered, shaking his head in disbelief. Na para bang ayaw niya sa mga nabasa. I smiled weakly. When I declared my decision not to respond to treatments, he was the first one who opposed that. He got frustrated and didn't understand why I was doing it. He wanted me to fight again.

"I'm doing it now, Constance. Buo na ang desisyon ko," deklara ko at pinagpatuloy ang pagsusulat. I gasped when I saw him catching his breath beside me.

He's on the verge of crying and trying not to show me that he wouldn't, but he's failing. I know he's hurting, but I also believe he'll get through this eventually. He will finally accept my fate. He will finally surrender me to our Creator.

"H-How could you pretend like everything's fine, huh?" Constance stammered at the first word.

"Everything is fine," giit ko.

"No, it's not. You're running away," aniya at nilagay ang kamay sa noo upang takpan ang mata na paluha na. I looked away and stared at the city lights from my glass window. I can't bear to see any of this.

"We already talked about this. I'll not repeat myself," matigas kong sabi at pumikit. A tear rolled down my cheek.

"Damn it. You can't go, Ceres. You can't leave us. You can't leave me," my brother pleaded desperately.

Bumilis ang paghinga ko nang hawakan niya ang kamay ko at nilapit din ang ulo roon. In a few seconds, I heard his sobs. Naramdaman ko rin ang kamay ko na namamasa na mula sa kanyang mga luha.

"I need to. God is waiting for me out there," I uttered softly. I came back to my paradise and talked to him. He's really waiting.

"It's just a dream!" He cried helplessly.

"It's a sign..." I inhaled sharply. "Nothing or no one could change my mind," I added, holding my brother's face to wipe the tears from his cheeks.

"I'm sorry, Constance," I mouthed before hugging him tightly.