Symphonic Waves (Ciudad de Escalante #6)

Phase 42

"What did he do this time?" matigas na tanong ng kapatid ko nang makapasok sa aking kwarto.

Agad akong umahon sa aking kama at pinalis ang luha. Hindi ko na alam kung saan pa ako nakakakuha ng lakas para umiyak. I've been experiencing shortness of breath these past few days. I shouldn't be doing this because crying only worsens the pain I was feeling, but I couldn't help it.

"Nothing, Constance," sambit ko at ngumiti ng tipid.

"Umalis ka nang nakangiti, tapos babalik kang ganyan?" asik niya kaya umiling ako para tumigil na siya sa pag-iisip ng masama. It's been almost three days since I came back to Ciudad de Escalante. My brother knows Sylvan went there to see me. He's thinking he did something again that could hurt me.

"Sylvan has nothing to do with this," deklara ko at umismid lamang siya na tila hindi naniniwala.

"I swear," giit kong muli.

"What is it, then?" nag-aalala niyang tanong sa akin at umupo sa aking kama. As I stared at my brother, tears pooled at corner of my eyes again. Now, I get why he doesn't like my decision. Why did he get mad. Why he doesn't want to surrender. But still, it's my choice, right?

"I'm sorry," tanging nasabi ko lamang at huminga nang malalim. "I still want my decision, but it doesn't make me feel good. I don't regret anything, but still, it hurts me. I don't want to feel this way, Constance. I don't want to question his plans, the fate he gave me..." pag-amin ko at tinakpan ang mukha gamit nang nanlalamig na kamay.

"I don't want to get angry or sad on my remaining days. I want to say goodbye peacefully," I sobbed.

"I understand," Constance whispered softly, and he removed the hands I'm using to cover my face. Pagkatapos, siya ang nagpunas ng aking luha gamit ng kanyang kamay.

"But in a snap, I can't bear to say goodbye to him. I can't even tell him what's happening. He doesn't know. He has no idea. And this is so selfish. Sylvan deserves to know," pagpapatuloy ko.

This thought has been bothering me since I came back from Italy. Akala ko kapag nakabalik na, magiging maayos na ulit at hindi na ako mag-iisip pa o makakaramdam nang pagkalito, pero hindi pala. Mas lumala lang sa mga nakaraang araw at hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko.

"Do you love him that much?" Constance asked in his heartbreaking tone. Maging siya ay hindi na napigilan pang manlumo habang nakikita akong umiiyak.

"Yes, I do. I do love him, Constance," sambit ko gamit ang nanginginig na boses. His jaw clenched.

"Does he feel the same way? Do you think it's real?" aniya kaya dahan-dahan akong tumango. My brother sighed in resignation. Natahimik siya saglit at kalaunan ay tumango siya na parang nagkaroon na ng desisyon.

"Do you want me to tell him? He's smart, he'll understand," he asked softly.

I shook my head.

"Pagbalik na lang niya, ako ang magsasabi," wika ko. Sylvan is not in CDE right now. He's busy with the papers and things he needs to prepare to finally move to Silverstone University.

I don't want to get in his way. Baka magbago na naman ang isip niya na tumuloy kapag nalaman niya ito. Saka na kapag maayos na lahat ng mga kailangan niyang tapusin.

"If it's too hard to tell him, I'll do it. I promise, I'll do it right. Hindi ko aawayin," my brother assured and caressed my back. Pagkatapos, hindi niya ako iniwan sa kwarto at nanatili sa tabi ko hanggang sa tumahan.

"The university is fucking huge, Ceres! The books, the facilities, and even their laboratories—you'll enjoy studying here for sure..."

Napangiti ako habang pinapanood ang video na sinend sa akin ni Sylvan. May mga pictures din na naka-attach para mas maintindihan ko ang kinekwento niya. Magkaiba na naman ang timezone namin kaya hindi kami nakakapag-usap nang maayos.