us against the world.

Falling

Record 4; Thursday, 16 June.

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Can you take me back to the person I used to be?

Back when you were there for me. Oh my god how ridiculous were we?

Way back when we are stupid, and held grudges just to help us sleep.

Oh my god, how ridiculous were we?

Yet, last night were just one of those nights with nightmares. I keep having more and more of those these days. I blast fear of flying in my Ipod, trying to drown the images that keep popping up.

I hate talking about my problems. It reminds me of happy days and those are the days I couldn't have back no matter how much I wish for it. But once I start talking about it I just can't seem to stop. I don't know why. Maybe I truly am desperate for someone to hear me. To listen this silent plea.

As I sat in the sofas in front of dr. Irena, I blast fear of flying from my Ipod. Listening that song, I can't help remembering Ivy. So when dr. Irena walk towards me with two cups of camomile tea, I pull out my earphone and I start to speak even before she asked anything.

"Ivy was always a mystery to me. An enigma. A question I spent my whole 3 years of junior high and up until now to answer. Or maybe, I knew what Ivy was like, but I choose to be blind. I kept pretending she's a saint. Truth be told, I guess I knew all along she's not."

She put those cups and pick up the clipboard.

"I always thought of her as a sun. You know, the kind of people that just drawn other people to need her, to like her. Basically, a sun. And all other people are just orbiting around her. But actually she has this 10ft tall walls that surround her heart. I discovered that after knowing her for a while and she started to trust me. Kind of a mistake."

I know I'm talking too much but I don't care. I gotta let this words about Ivy out sooner or later.

"She seems though and all but inside she's more fragile than who I was back then. Her family falls apart; her mom and dad fight a lot, parents love and proud of her little sister, works all the time. A messed up family. She never talked about it, and I never dared to ask. Its like invading her privacy and somehow, I didn't dare to. I just thought that if she wants to tell me, she would. But turns out, she needed some push."

My Ipod hasn't even turned off yet and it start to blast dear darlin. A song that began our whole playlist thing. Still, I ignore that.

"I never got the chance to be there, to understand because I never was in her shoes. But I would always listen to her. Anything and nothing she says would always important to me. I love her that much. Not love in romantic ways, I love her because somehow she and I connected each other. A connection we never got in other people."

She nodded and continue to listen to me with her mouth shut close.

"We rarely fight. Usually, either I pull out before an argument or she does. We hate fighting with each other, we just kind of came to an agreement not to fight ever again after one fight because we both hated it. That agreement doesn't really include leaving each other so its okay to leave, I guess."

I laugh dryly.

"I don't remember who left actually. We just never talked to each other and went on our separate ways. Move on and forgot each other. Or oh well, she forgot me. How could I ever forgot Ivy Hunt? She's the first ever person I ever want to protect. The first that I feel everything. Like I said, not in romantic ways."

That day was damn hard. The day I knew I lost her, and she already forgot about me. Just like grade school and grew up to middle school, this is middle school to high school. She grew up while I still held on to the promise to never grow up, like peter pan, to her.

"In our clique, both of us are closer than with other. And somehow, I don't know, out friends thought its not good. We used to laugh about it, made a joke, but times changes, and we just keep drifting away with each other. We didn't made jokes anymore, I'm too afraid to talk to her in public anymore. Gradually, all of us did changes. Well considering I lied to Ivy a lot, steal the boy she liked, lied some more, that's a damn fine thought our clique made."

That boy.

Rhapsody Artlet. Rhys.

My first love.

"The boy that at first had a crush on Ivy, but Ivy didn't feel the same. And after all, Ivy already had a boyfriend. So he moved on. Guess to who? Me. Damn right he moved on to Ivy's own best friend. That's after Ivy realise she liked him too."

I almost cried (again tbh this room give me an emotional wave everytime), seriously I already cried so many times.

"At first I just shrugged him off. You know, answer some chats coldly, stuff like that. I hated him. I hate how he never stopped asking what am I doing, how I'm feeling, stuff like that. I hated his guts. I hated him."

Inhale, exhale.

"Feelings and fate really are such a funny thing. That hate, turns to like. And I'm terrified of it. So if Ivy asked me if I feel something, anything towards Rhys, I lied. I pretend I had feelings for another boy that's being matched with me, Lance. Not long after, we started dating. 1 months and a few days more, we broke up. I tried loving him and failed. He's too hard to love, and I already fell too deep for Rhys. By that time, Rhys got himself a girlfriend."

Remembering Rhys are giving me some time to smile a little.

"Rhys.. Tanned skin, plays guitar and basketball. Your usual jocks. Nothing special, he's actually everything I hate packed into one person. We're just not made for one another. But then again, fate is not only funny, but its also a cruel thing. Not long, they broke up. And Rhys start talking to me again blabla bla and bam. He asked me to be his girlfriend. In front of Ivy."

Bitter words left my tongue,

"I guess that's when everything falls apart. Or maybe it already are, ever since he fell for me."

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Short but hey here I am 3 days and updating! vote and comment guys thanks:)