us against the world.

Words They Won't Hear

a/n: i keep editing this chapter just to put a video which idk why its unable to open but anyway IDK WHY I EVEN BROKE MY OWN HEART WITH THIS CHAPTER AND THIS VIDEO. JUST PLEASE LISTEN TO THAT SONG WHILE READING THIS CHAPTER OH MY GOD IT HURTS.

k bye.

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Record 6; Thursday, 23 June.

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"How are you feeling, Camilla?"

"Bored. Obviously."

"Well, you left this yesterday on my room. I already charged that, just in case you want to use it immediately. Considering you'll be in here for a while, I thought you'll need every gadget you have to stay alive." She laughed a little then handed me my silver Ipod.

"My Ipod! Damn I thought I lost it. Thanks doc."

"You have a large range of music taste. I found lots of songs, starting from country to pop. Rock to classic. I hope you don't mind I took a look inside."

"Even if I do it doesn't really change the fact you already seen that."

"Yeah. True that."

I fiddled with the wire from my dirty white earphone. I seriously need to consider buying a headphone. Maybe I should ask my folks to buy that, considering I got in here without causing trouble to either of them.

"So what's up with the playlists?"

I snap my head to look at her right after those line left her mouth. Then shake my head and thought, she just have to meddle, didn't she?

"Well, you know. I put some songs in some different playlist. Some songs to listen when angry playlist, some songs to listen when sad playlist, some songs to listen to when happy playlist. Those are the function of playlists I suppose."

"Yes of course. But there are some names that become the title for some playlists, if I remember correctly."

Instantly, I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah well I used to made playlist for people. So what?"

"That's sweet."

I laughed at how ironic that sound. Sweet isn't exactly the right words to describe those playlist. Well, its just 2 playlists actually.

Ivy's and Rhys's.

"Those are your ways of talking to them I suppose."

"Yep."

I press my lips longer on the p. Seriously I'm so bored at this room like you could've bring an entire cast of harry potter and I'd still be bored. Wait that's not possible.

But seriously, its so boring in here. The room is all white and creamy coloured. Yellow curtains. A drawer, white coloured, 3 levels height. 1 bright light and 2 dim lights, 1 on my right side of bed and the other on the left. Right across my bed, there's a plasma tv on the wall. See? 2 days and I can describe exactly how the room with my eyes closed. Hell I could even draw the sketch of it. If only they could just allow me to take a walk around park, that would be less boring. But hell, they won't even let me move too much. Damn this room and damn this sickness. And damn my parents too.

"Have they ever listened to those playlist? Have you ever told them?"

I hesitated for a moment before answering.

"Well, Ivy's playlist actually are a playlist we kind of put together."

Dr. Irena raised an eyebrow at me.

"We were playing at Ayla's house when she suddenly sang dear darlin by olly murs. I liked that song back then, and I was shocked that she even listen to that too. So I sang with her. We looked at each other and laugh."

I smiled faintly. It still seemed weird to me about how Ivy and I always had that connection.

"And I don't know. Since then we kinda start listening to the same songs, shared them with each other. Listening new favourite songs with dividing earbuds to one another at classroom when there's no teacher. Then we found our self with playlist of each other name inside our phone. Well mine is inside this Ipod."

All I could do was smile weakly when I was remembering happy moments.

"But we just stop sharing suddenly. We stop listening songs together, stop telling each other about our new favourite songs. It all just stopped."

I breathe slowly. Suddenly feeling a clench inside me, somewhere. Probably my heart. It still hurts huh. No matter how long, no matter how deep I buried her, it still hurts all over.

"By the way, I guess you already knew. But lots of our songs, err my playlist for Ivy I mean, contains love songs. Like I said, we don't love each other that way."

Dr. Irena smiled fondly, "I don't even think for a second like that. The playlist thing you do, that's actually very sweet Camilla. Do you even realise that?"

This time it's my turn to raised an eyebrow.

"You don't?"

Chuckles left her mouth.

"Why is that so surprising?"

Hesitating again, I found myself playing with my macrame bracelet I made. Black, blue, and white.

"Because peoples around us tend to get that idea. We never figured out why. At first it was like a joke, we're both normal for god sake, we're not in love with each other. We laughed about it. But people just keep saying that. Gradually we stop making jokes about that, it became awkward. And one day she actually asked me 'do you think its like that?' I almost choked on the water I drank."

"And your answer were..?"

"Of course not! Yes, we do love each other. But no, its not in a romantic way. Some people head are thicker than the other that its actually very hard to get it inside their head."

I always thought how ridiculous those accusations were. Is it so weird to have a relationship like us? The way we treated each other?

Me myself always thought that, its actually was a way for us to fix things between us. To fix up a hole that was left because I fell in love with Rhys.

"Maybe if I were in any of their shoes I'd get it. But I'm not and I won't. So its actually still a question to me how people would assume that."

"Well, I guess that's because both of you are trying so hard to stay in each other life. You both are trying so hard to fix things up and do unnecessary things that made people end up with that thought inside their head. While actually, what you both need to do was talk to each other."

"Well that's what we're doing. We were talking to each other."

"Honestly?"

I freeze.

Then I laughed.

Ironically, that's what broke us. My fickle mind and heart, and also my inability to spoke the truth. Even though that's the only thing she ever asked me to do ever since I betrayed her. Not to stop loving Rhys, not to stay away from her, but just to tell her everything honestly.

Sound simple right?

Yet I can't ever did that. I broke her heart a thousand times into a thousands tiny pieces, and she broke mine more and crushed it into millions little dust by forgiving me. By giving out chances to me, lies after lies.

Lies which I always thought was for her own good. Lies which I did because I thought it was to protect her. But no. Instead it ruin her. It broke her.

I ruin her. I broke her.

Funny when I tried to fix her, yet ended up with actions that just broke her more.

The questions I always find myself asking was;

What hurts more? Betrayed by the person you trust, or

Trust the person who betrayed you?