Me or Her | Bbangsaz

Chapter 9

Hanni

"Hanni?" I frown at the sound of Grandma Eun's voice behind me and snuggle a bit closer, not wanting to wake up,"Minji?"

My muddled mind slowly starts to clear, and I freeze when I realize that I've got a strong arm wrapped around me. Fragments of last night flash through my mind, and my stomach drops. Oh no.

I twist in Minji's embrace, waking her up, and she blinks slowly, her eyes finding mine as she smiles lazily, "Morning, drunkard," she says.

The smile melts off her face as she looks past me, and I let my eyes fall closed in shame,"Grandma," she says, her voice tinged with horror. Her grip on me loosens,"What are you doing here?"

Minji sits up and pulls me up with her, keeping her arm wrapped around me. I raise my face hesitantly, well aware of what this looks like. My dress is on the floor, and Minji is in nothing but with her gray sweatpants and sports bra, while I'm wearing her t-shirt.

Grandma Eun's expression is unreadable,"Big night?" she asks, and I nod.

"Dani and I, um... we drank way too much, and Minji ended up having to take care of us."

I can't face her, not after what I did last night. The way I harassed her last night was not okay. I have no doubt she'll be furious, and I've probably done irreparable damage to our friendship, and what for?

"Where is Dani?"

Minji clears her throat. Does she realize she still has her arm wrapped around me? "In my bed. Best to let her sleep a bit longer. She was really quite drunk."

Grandma nods,"How about you two get some more rest too? You look... disheveled. I will have some breakfast sent over for the three of you later. You can just warm it up once Dani wakes up."

Minji and I are tense as Grandma Eun walks away, a sweet smile on her face, "I should go too," I say the moment the door closes behind her. I rise to my feet nervously and grab my clothes off the floor, embarrassment flooding me.

"Hold on," Minji says, and I turn around to face her, my heart hammering in my chest,"Come here, Hanni," she orders, and I walk back toward her hesitantly, pausing in front of her, her legs on either side of me. She leans back and spreads her arms across the back of the sofa, her eyes on me. I haven't seen her this way in years-only with her sports bra and abs on display. Does she realize what kind of image she's painting?

"How do you feel, Han? I've never seen you as drunk as you were last night. Can you even remember half the shit you did?"

I let my eyes fall closed and nod, "Minji," I whisper,"I'm so sorry. Nothing I can say will make up for how I treated you last night. I'm so ashamed of my actions, and I can't even imagine how angry you must be. I'm so sorry, truly. I don't know what I was thinking. I never should've... I can't believe..."

She grabs my hand and pulls me closer,"Not so confident today, are you? Last night you were all too happy to sit in my lap and demand to wear my t-shirt, getting naked in the process."

I sit down next to her and wrap my arms around myself,"Do you really need to remind me of that?" I ask, mortified.

She chuckles,"It's okay, Han. I'm not mad, I'm just confused. You've never acted that way before, and definitely never around me. What's going on with you?" Minji runs a hand through her hair and looks away,"I mean, I get being drunk and wanting to go home with someone, wanting that thrill, the release. But that isn't you."

I chuckle humorlessly,"You don't know me as well as you think you do, Minji," I say, taking the excuse she's handing me,"It's just been a while since I got laid, and I wanted it badly. Anyone would've done."

She narrows her eyes at me and looks at me,"Do you do this often? Get drunk? One-night- stands?"

I purse my lips, unable to look at her, "Does it matter? I'm an adult, Minji. I know what I'm doing. I don't need you to lecture me."

"Hanni, you need to be careful. You can't just give anyone access to you. Don't even dream of ever going home with someone you don't know, you hear me? It's hardly safe for a regular girl, but you? You're the object of so many men's desires. Who knows what those fucked up perverts are fantasizing about as they collect photos of you. I've seen the comments on all your posts. It isn't safe."

I wrap my arms around myself, unsure what to say,"Are you going to tell Yunjin about this?"

She sighs and falls back on the sofa, her eyes on the ceiling,"How am I supposed to tell her, I had her sister naked in my lap? I know you didn't have any bad intentions and that you were just drunk, but Yunjin wouldn't see it that way. It's best not to tell her anything at all. I've had my fair share of drunken, embarrassing moments. You're entitled to yours. I just want you to promise me you won't do this again."

"I'm sorry," I tell her,"I won't ever look at you that way again. I won't come near you. I'll keep my distance."

"No," she snaps, panic flashing through her eyes.

"That's not what I meant. I need you to promise me you won't get so drunk that you aren't in control of what you're doing or saying. Do you know how easy it would've been for me to take advantage of you last night? I had you naked in my arms, Han. Do you know how easy it would've been to push my sweatpants aside and slide deep inside you? I could've pinned you down on this sofa and fucked you raw, and there's nothing you would've been able to do about it. Don't find yourself alone with a man that won't respect you, someone who would take advantage of you when you aren't thinking clearly."

A blush stains my cheeks as her words resound in my mind. Was she tempted, for even a moment?

"I hear you," I murmur,"I'm sorry, Min. This won't happen again."

"It'd be better not. Not with me, and certainly not with anyone else."

I nod,"It won't," I promise. I can't believe I acted the way I did. For years, I managed to hide my feelings for her, until last night. It's a good thing she seems to think it's merely me being drunk, because my actions could've ruined our friendship forever.

"I really am sorry, Minji. I'm not even sure what to say to you, other than that I'm ashamed and remorseful."

She smiles at me and leans in to tuck a strand of my hair behind my ear,"It's okay, Han. Let's just forget that happened, okay?"

I nod and rise to my feet. "I need to go," I tell her. I need some time to myself, to pick up the pieces of my shattered hopes. I can still hear her words ringing through my mind.

I don't want you, Hanni. I'll never want you.

I've always known that, but a small part of me thought I could change her mind. Maybe I'm just conceited, but I thought that she'd give in if I made a move, that she wouldn't be able to resist me. I should've known better.

"Who is it?" she asks. I look back in surprise, confused,"Who is the man you were talking about last night? You said you regretted not going after the man you love, and just now, too, the expression you carried was pure sorrow. Who is he?"

I smile at her and shake my head, "Drunken ramblings, Minji. There isn't anyone."

"In vino veritas," she tells me. In wine lies the truth. Yeah, that certainly is true for me. I nearly spilled all my secrets because I had too much to drink.

"Fine," I admit,"I just don't want to talk about it."

"Whoever he is, don't try to fuck him out of your system. That never works, and in your case, it'll just backfire. You're too famous, too easily caught up in scandals. Don't risk your reputation for some asshole that can't see what he's got anyway."

I chuckle in amusement and nod. "Yeah," I agree.

"I'm done. I'm done caring about him, hoping that someday I might have a chance. It's time to move on."

She nods hesitantly, and I wonder if at least a tiny part of her realizes that it's her I'm talking about. With the way I acted last night, surely she must at least suspect it?

"Come on," she says,"Get dressed, and I'll drive you home."

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