Me or Her | Bbangsaz

Chapter 59

Hanni

I park my car and stare at the front door, trying to gather the courage to walk in. All day, all I've thought about is Yunjin's pregnancy, and what it means for all of us. Now, more so than ever, I'm racked with guilt. It consumes me, spreading its poison until I'm left second-guessing every decision I've made. I've never felt so selfish, so horrible.

When I married Minji, I wondered if there would come a day that I'd regret it. At the time, I convinced myself that what I'd regret most would be the things I didn't do. I couldn't have been more wrong.

Minji and Yunjin are going to be a family, whether I like it or not. They'll share an unbreakable bond, and I'll always be a third party. Because of the decision I made, I'm taking away an innocent child's chance to grow up with both of their parents as one united front.

If I hadn't married Minji, the two of them would've found out about the pregnancy together, while they were rescheduling their wedding. It would've brought them together, bridging the distance Yunjin's career had created over the years.

Maybe it still will.

I inhale shakily and open my car door. I've never dreaded coming home as much as I do tonight. No matter what was going on, I'd always been eager to see Minji. Yet tonight I can't face her

How do I face the woman I love, knowing what I did? I chose to marry her knowing that if I hadn't, Grandma would have forgiven Yunjin and accepted her into the family, eventually. I came between them because I was selfish, and now I'm paying the price.

I walk into the house I've come to love so much, the home Minji and I built, and it all feels so impermanent. Just as I convinced myself to choose happiness, to put myself first... life showed me that I don't deserve it.

I tense when I hear Grandma's voice, my heart racing. I should've known that it wouldn't take her long to find out about this. No doubt, she'll be excited to welcome her first great-grandchild, and it's going to kill me to watch her fuss over Yunjin.

It's like every single thing I want out of life can't be mine if it isn't Yunjin's first.

I follow Grandma's voice to the guest room and pause in the doorway. Yunjin is lying in bed and Minji is seated on the edge of it, one arm around her for support while she holds a glass to her lips. The way she watches her, with such concern... it guts me.

The patience she has with her, the care she shows her. It's like I took a trip to the past, back when I was always looking in from the outside.

Grandma stands next to Yunjin's bed, arms crossed, "You're carrying my first great-grandchild," she says, her tone soft and sweet, "You need to take good care of yourself, Yunjin," She turns to Minji then, "The same goes for you. She's carrying your child, Minji. I know the situation isn't ideal, but we'll make the best of it— as a family."

Yunjin looks up at her with tears in her eyes, "I came here because I agree, Grandma. I thought my sister and Minji would be the two people that'd be most supportive. I thought I'd be safe from the press here while we try to figure out how our lives are going to change now, but they don't want me here. Minji asked me to leave, and I... I think I should. I never should've come here in the first place."

Grandma pauses for a moment, "The doctor put you on bed rest, Yunjin. I'd like you to stay here until you feel better. It'll be good for Minji, Hanni, and you to be together. After all, this pregnancy entwines all three of your fates. The more you avoid each other, the bigger the blow-outs when you're eventually forced to face each other. For the sake of my great-grandchild, you need to learn to put aside your differences."