Me or Her | Bbangsaz

Chapter 22

Hanni

I'm in a daze as Minji shows around. Until today, I'd only ever seen her living room and kitchen. Her home is very similar in size to Danielle's, but her layout is entirely different. Danielle's is mostly open plan, while Minji seems to have a lot of different types of rooms.

I can see my sister's influence all over the place, and it feels strange. It makes it even more obvious that everything here was meant to be Yunjin's. I suppose in many ways, it all still is.

She still is.

Even the cinema room she got was no doubt built to watch private screenings of Yunjin's movies. The love she has for her is evident in every nook and cranny of the place I'll be forced to call home.

"I like my privacy, so I don't enjoy having staff around. My housekeeper and chef come in during the day, when I'm at work, so they won't really bother you. You won't see them at all. I'll show you how to download the app the entire family uses later. You may have seen Dani use it before. If you need anything at all, just send a request through the app and it'll get done, whether it be groceries or painting the walls. We have an entire team of butlers that know how to get nearly anything done."

I nod as I follow along, "This is the last room. It's my bedroom," she says, "I suppose it's ours now, actually."

She holds the door open for me, and I follow her in reluctantly, my stomach twisting. It's clear that she shares a lot of memories with Yunjin in this place, and that'll be even more the case in her bedroom.

Minji runs a hand through her hair and inhales deeply, her gaze roaming over the room she thought she'd share with my sister.

I've never been in her bedroom before, and just standing here feels like an invasion of privacy. Minji hesitantly turns toward me, her gaze apologetic.

"Your suitcases were delivered earlier today. You should find everything you need in the dressing room. Let me show you."

I nod and follow her, pausing at the sight of the vanity filled with my sister's favorite products. A dull ache spreads from my heart, and I wrap my arms around myself protectively. For years, this is the room she shared with Yunjin. This is where she'd stay when she came over, and from what I can see, that was quite often.

Minji follows my gaze and freezes, "I..." She cups the back of her neck, her gaze contrite, "I wasn't thinking, Hanni. It was all so sudden. Until this morning, I was hoping... I haven't had a chance—"

I shake my head and place my hand on her arm, "It's okay," I tell her, steeling myself before I look up at her, "But you should know that I don't want her hand-me-downs. I don't want to be surrounded by the remains of your relationship with her. Our marriage might not be a conventional one, but I'd still like to ask you for a basic level of respect. I won't live in her shadow throughout our entire marriage."

"Of course," she says, her voice soft, "I understand. I'm sorry. I'll have her things packed up and delivered to her. How about that?"

I nod and look away, my heart aching. I wish I could tell her the full truth — that I don't want to be reminded of how much she loves her, of the life she expected to build with her. I wish I could tell her to look at me and truly see me, just once.

Instead, I inhale shakily and walk toward the mirror, pausing in front of it, "I'm exhausted, and I honestly just want to go to bed," I don't have it in me to keep up the facade, "Can you help me with the buttons on the back?"

Minji walks up to me and stands behind me, her eyes on mine through the mirror. Her touch is gentle as she pushes my hair over my shoulder, exposing the long row of buttons on my wedding dress. Even the dress I'm wearing tonight isn't mine. I designed this for Yunjin. It's almost as though I'm stealing everything that used to be hers, and it doesn't feel right.

Minji hesitates for a moment before unbuttoning the top button on my dress, a tormented expression on her face. She is no doubt thinking of Yunjin, and how amazing she would have looked in this. What expression would she be wearing if it was Yunjin standing in front of her tonight?

She pauses halfway through and looks up, her eyes meeting mine in the mirror, "How far do you want me to unbutton this?"

I force a smile onto my face and try my hardest to pretend that my heart isn't racing, that I'm not affected by her touch. What does she see when she looks at me? Does a small part of her find me attractive at all?

"All the way," I murmur, "The fabric is quite delicate, so I don't want to damage it by trying to undo the buttons myself."

She nods and tears her gaze away, refocusing on her task. Doesn't she feel a single thing as she undresses me? The way she kissed me during the ceremony allowed me to pretend that our wedding wasn't a farce, but the coldness she treated me with afterward took away any hope she'd inadvertently given me.

A shiver runs down my spine as her fingers brush against my skin, and I let my eyes fall closed for a moment, pretending tonight isn't pure torment for her. In my fantasies, Minji wants me as much as I want her, her thoughts filled with nothing but me.

If things had been different between us, would she have laid me down on her bed, her touch impatient and heated? Instead of the carefulness she's handling me with, would she be rough and frantic, the way she was so many years ago?

Minji takes her time unbuttoning my dress, until the back falls open. I expected her to step away, but instead she wraps her hands around my shoulders. I glance at her through the mirror to find her looking at me in a way she never has before. Her eyes meet mine, and for a single second, I could've sworn I saw lust in them. What would she do if I turned around now and kissed her? I'm terrified of what might happen once Yunjin realizes that I truly married Minji in her stead. The moment she comes back and asks for her forgiveness, my chance of making this marriage work will be gone.

I twirl around and place my hands against her chest, a fear I've never felt before dictating my moves.

"Minji," I whisper.

It's almost as though my voice makes her snap out of the daze she was in, because she takes a step away from me and runs a hand through her hair, "Go to bed without me," she says, her voice firm.

I nod, my thoughts whirling as she walks away. I suppose she's trying to give me privacy, but that isn't what I want.

I once told one of my close friends that if I ever thought I had a chance with the person I love, I'd give it my all, and I'd fight dirty if I have to.

This is it.

This is my chance.

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