Me or Her | Bbangsaz

Chapter 43

Hanni

"You haven't been yourself today," Fuma says, "Your facial expressions were off during your shoot this morning. Are you sure you're fine to walk this show?"

I nod as I play with the hem of my robe. All day, my thoughts have been on Minji's words. Hearing her say that she felt trapped broke my heart. This situation isn't ideal for either of us, but I thought that... I thought she started to have feelings for me, but now I'm not so sure.

When she took me to Park Designs and then to Laurier, I thought that was progress for us. Now I'm wondering if Yunjin was right, and she was only trying to do right by me. What Minji considers the right thing to do isn't the same as what her heart desires.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I say, trying my best to clear my mind and knowing I won't be able to. I'm filled with heartache, shame and regret. Each time I think of the way I measured her body, the outfits I've been wearing around the house... damn it.

Maybe I should've believed her that day I sat in her lap, when she told me that she'd never truly want me. I can get her body to react to me, but she'll never want me the way she wants Yunjin. The memories of everything I've done and tried disgust me. I've never been this person. I've never forced my affection on anyone else, yet that's exactly what I've been doing to Minji. Hope made me courageous to the point that I sacrificed my dignity, and what for?

"You're not fine, Hanni," Fuma places a hand on my shoulder and looks at me with genuine concern in his eyes, "Are you overwhelmed with work? Have I been scheduling too much for you? Or is it something else... is it Kim? She's given us complete control over your schedule with just a few caveats, but you need to tell me if she's pressuring you in private."

I look into his eyes, unsure what to even say. It's been a really long time since I wanted to rely on someone. The urge to ask him for a hug and cry until my heart stops aching nearly overwhelms me.

"I just didn't sleep well," I say eventually, dragging my gaze down as I undo the knot on my robe, letting it fall open. The designer should be in any minute now to dress me.

"Are you okay, Han? I'm worried about you. Did Minji Kim do something to you?"

I force a smile for him and shake my head, "We had an argument, but that's all it was. I suppose that's just what marriage is like, right? It can't always be perfect."

Fuma starts to speak but is interrupted when the door opens. We both turn around, expecting the designer to walk in with the gown I'm supposed to wear, but instead, it's Minji. She pauses when her eyes land on me, the bags underneath her eyes identical to mine.

Minji's eyes trail down to my exposed chest, and pure rage settles in her eyes. She walks toward me and slips out of her jacket, her stride confident yet rushed.

"Hanni," she says, my name sounding like a warning as she wraps her jacket around my shoulders and pulls me toward her.

She glances at Fuma and grits her teeth, "Excuse us, please. I need a moment with my wife."

Fuma looks at me, and I nod. He hesitates for a moment, but then he walks away and closed the door, leaving us some privacy.

"Hanni," she repeats, her tone softer now, "What was that? Why are you... you're half-naked in front of him. Is there something going on between you two?"

I look into her eyes, my heart heavy. I've loved her for as long as I can remember, yet even though I'm married to her, my sister is still standing between us.

"Does it matter?"

Her gaze hardens, and she pulls me closer, "Of course it does. We promised each other fidelity when we got married, Hanni."

I put my arms around her shoulder, her jacket falling to the floor in the process, leaving me standing in front of her in nothing but an open robe, "I didn't cheat on you, Minji. I'd never do that. I'm not that kind of person."

She looks into my eyes as though she's trying to ascertain my truthfulness, "Do you two have history?"

I look away and huff involuntarily, "Nothing like what you share with Yunjin."

Her hands move around my waist, and she tightens her grip, "Cherry," she whispers, her forehead falling to mine. Minji inhales shakily and my heart wavers, "I'm sorry about yesterday. I really am."

I push away from her, but she refuses to let me go, "Listen to me," she pleads, "You've been ignoring my calls all day. I can't take this, baby. This is not what I want our marriage to be like, okay? Didn't we promise to communicate? Our situation is already so unconventional... the last thing I want to do is complicate it any further. Listen to me, please."

I nod at her, "Fine," I whisper, uncertain anything she has to say will diminish my pain.

"She never should have come to our home, and I never should've said what I did. I don't feel trapped, Hanni. Not with you. The situation is tricky, and I feel like I'm either hurting Yunjin or I'm hurting you. That's all I meant. I didn't for a single second mean that I feel trapped in this marriage with you, you hear me? I've never been happier, Han. I just know that hurting Yunjin will put additional strain on your relationship with her, too. I don't want to be the reason you argue with your sister, baby. I just... I just want you to be happy."

I nod, unsure what to make of her words, "I get it, Minji. I'm just not sure that it matters. What are we even doing?"

"You told me you want happiness of your own, and I swear that I'll try my best to give you that, if you'll give me a chance. Will you, Hanni? Will you give me a chance?"

My heart skips a beat as my eyes find her, nothing but sincerity in her gaze, "What does that mean, Minji?"

She cups my face, her thumb brushing over my lip gently, "It means that I want more than just your body. I want a chance to prove that I truly do want it all with you, the past be damned. I want a chance to win your heart," she whispers, "Because with each passing day, you're stealing a little bit more of mine.

----